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A Series of Baths, Rationalizations and Analogies

A Series of Awkward Moments

I read the first book of A Series of Unfortunate Events last night in the bath tub...Yes, I can take a bath that long (2 hrs...it is a fast read). I'm a big fan of the bubble bath...I love to pour excessive amounts of my lavendar and vanilla Bath and BodyWorks bubble bath, grab a book, make hot tea and just sit there. Really. I have even found that in apartment searching, I would rather live in a shack with a clean bathroom and a big tub than in a spacious house with a shower only. God bless bath tubs. God bless us everyone.

I didn't work-out yesterday. I am officially blaming it on the fact that my car is in the shop and so I cannot drive to the Recreation Complex, but you should know that I have a Yoga mat at home that I did not use and three Tai Bo videos that I did not use as well. Dun dun dun dun!!

I may have mentioned that I don't have television channels at home...No, not one. So, when I go to the Recreation Complex, the fact that I can watch people moving around in this little box is both quite fascinating and quite reinforcing to me. The other day, I was watching this reality show, The Biggest Loser...Basically, the Survivor of weightloss. I'm not accusing it of being quality television just yet, but it did make me stay on the elliptical longer. These people are working out for four hours daily. Huh??

lists, yo

LISTS!

Favorite things about this particular week:
-No work; no school
-CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Got wireless internet
-Worked out pretty well so far
-Spending quality time with my man and my dog
-Helped cook at the community kitchen
Favorite books:
-Night, by Elie Wiesel
-A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
-She's Come Undone, by Wally Lamb
-Tuesdays With Morrie

What I'm reading:
-Jane Goodall: Reason for Hope
-Desmond Tutu's autobiography
-Lucy...about the discovery of "Lucy in the sky with diamonds" at Oldevai Gorge in Africa.

Next on my list:
-A Series of Unfortunate Events (the 1st one)
-Practical Kaballah
Current new favorite song:
-That new Lenny Kravitz song; I don't know what it's called, but it is super good.

What I miss:
-My "little" from Big Brothers, Big Sisters...Being a "big" for 2 and a half years made me want to always be a better person...but, she moved. :(
-My friend Andy...We've lost touch, and I just had a dream about him last night, and I realized I really miss that guy.
I've been feeling sort of nostalgic lately...You know when you miss all of the people you've ever known...friends you never quite got to know, or friends you lost touch with, people who have inspired you...or, even old flings or loves...not in the way that you would ever want to be back with them, but just as a person...kind of a "hey, I miss you--Maybe it wasn't THE thing, but it was SOMEthing."
Back to listing:

What makes me cry (happy cry...oh, and I'm so mushy):
-Kids singing
-Any Oprah Winfrey show
-The end of Sister Act II where the teenagers do the singing and dancing medly
-The part of "Love Actually" where the little girl sings, "All I want for Christmas is You."
-Wonderful things happening to people who haver really struggled
-Reading the "thankyou" cards about adopted pets at the Humane Society
Favorite Southpark episode:
-The one with John Stamos' brother
Favorite Friends Character(yes, Friends):
-Phoebe

Okay, I'm sure I can find something productive to do...:)

New Year's Resolution: more creative blog titles

Tomorrow, I have all kinds of things to do to get ready for Christmas and for the upcoming semester. Wish me luck!

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I'm BACK!

Hello, I'm back! Sorry for the disappearance. Not only was I gearing up for finals (which are now over, thank the Gods), but my computer actually died...yes, forever, it is completely void of life. I actually purchased a new computer yesterday afternoon--So, I was basically computer-less for about a week and a half.

Oh, I went to Texas during my absence as well. There, I visited my little bro, who has Cerebral Palsy and has recently moved to his first group home.

During finals, I completely threw my hands up in the air with regards to all things healthy...I drank like a *pot* of coffe daily, didn't exercise, lived off of chocolate and slept like crap. Slowly, I'm re-regulating myself to normalcy again...I'm back off of caffeine (except my a.m. 1 cup, which is totally legit), I'm sleeping normal amounts of time in the evening, eating more natural, raw, unprocessed and dairy-free things, and my hounse is slowly becoming clean and organized once again...and, I'm feeling much more peaceful now...

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Gratitude

A Series of Awkward Moments

Well, to counter my pre-menstrual pity party, I have decided to make a short of list of some of the things I'm grateful for (This always makes me feel better):

-My opportunity for an education
-My cozy apartment
-The fact that my fiance lives in it
-And makes me breakfast most mornings
-Holiday flavored coffee
-Christmas in general
-I feel thankful that I was raised without a lot of things that others had-I never thought I would say it, but it is so VERY true.
-I should add that my fiance just surprised me with a Bailey's and coffee; I'm definitely thankful for that.
-And the coffee is served in a hand-made mug that he surprised me with a couple of months ago...I'm thankful for my mug.
-It snowed today, just enough to cover the ground and all the trees...it's so pretty.
-I taught two lessons today (kindergarten and third), and they went really well.
-My friends
-My health
-My family...It sounds so cliche to say "friends, family, health," but when you are writing them down, you just think of all of these specific people who just really add a lot to life.
-I FINALLY got a lot of my wedding planned this weekend.
-Kids
-Big Brothers, Big Sisters
-The mayor's day parade is today, and I'm going to watch my little seventh grade friend walk in it. :)

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God, is that you?

In less than six hours, nobody can "bah' at me for being the Christmas junkie that I am...I've already got the Christmas CD in...a little "Santa Baby," and, of course, Mariah Carey--the real queen of the season. I've been watching the movie "Love Actually," which I must reccommend to any and all.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

I talked to my childhood bf last night for a couple of hrs...She did the 10k last yr. that I'm considering registering for for this yr. (May)...As I've mentioned, although I actually enjoy running, my knees really do kill and pop like crazy the next day (chondromalacia: my pitiful excuse for fatness)--Can't afford to get them "fixed" now, but am wondering if anyone ever runs a race with most of their training as cross-training...I would really love something like this to look forward to, and I really do just enjoy racing and the challenge involved...

Ah, stream of consciousness. Better actually go now. I probably shouldn't show up to Thanksgiving Dinner empty-handed with a fork. :)

Blah Blah Blah Blah

Random Ramblings Unrelated to Fitness, However Equally Boring :
Just got my hair cut...Finally!!! I was starting to resemble "Mr. It," which is not the timely look I was hoping for. So, yes, my po' self actually went and got a hair-cut from my lovely hair dresser who sees me so very little...I have a hard time resisting the egoic urge to tell her about the days gone by when I used to use nice shampoo, tan in the winter, have lots of pretty colors of highlights in my hair, etc., etc....BUT, we are soooo poor.

I have to say that I am really actually proud of us for living like paupers-We used to spend soooooooo much money on stupid crap before my fiance decided to go back to school (Medicine)--- Being flatbroke has really made me realize all that I can go without...It's become so much less important to us to have a lot of money...we want to be stable, of course...but, even more importantly, connected...to eachother...friends...family...other inhabitants of the earth. This is one of the reasons that I started this blog...to become more connected to others and to what I think life is really about.

Anyways, as I was rambling, we went grocery shopping and got loads of dry rice an dry beans, Ramen (although I don't want to eat too much Ramen, b/c it really doesn't have a lot of nutritional value...but at 7 cents a bag, it's hard to argue) --You should really try adding canned peas to your Ramen. --Oh, and I have finally found vegan Ramen, so I'm actually back after years of going without the staple food item of poor college students everywhere.

--Better go...the fiance just made me breakfast---cream of wheat and coffee--He's soooo sweet. Eating beans & rice or cream of wheat just isn't bad when it's with someone you like..okay, love.

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!!!!!!!!

A Series of Awkward Moments

A Series of Awkward Moments

I just want to say that I'm sorry for sucking lately...soooooooooo busy...but the end of this crap is soooo in sight!!!!!!!

stripes

A Series of Awkward Moments

For the teachers out there...I just taught some 3rd graders the first of a 3 part lesson--using this funny book, A Bad Case of Stripes--It's so funny. --They really loved it, even though there were some big words....A great book for reader's theater---if anyone wants a copy of the script I made, let me know! Teaching is so much fun...

:)Oh, and yes, Mia, I have heard of Walter, the Farting Dog.

I'm getting my resume critiqued today, and then I am going from there to get skinny at the gym....or, maybe I'll wait 'till 4 to get skinny so that I can watch Oprah while I do my cardio. Oprah is a rockstar.

This weekend, I tried on bridesmaid dresses for the wedding that I'm in--Really fun.

I'm going to go sit with my incredibly patient fiance now, because he just made me lunch...The only one who could ever put up with my neurotic pain in the butt--and, he even makes me lunch! Gotta love him! :)

A Series of Awkward Moments

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!

Here is a tiny list of some absolutely random factors which are contributing to my smile today:

-Tonight, I'm going to see the new Bridget Jones movie with my good friend...to be followed by wine!
-B just purchased a really nice shelf to go above the desk that I have half-finished white-washing...so that we can put all of our books and crap up there...Thank God! The clutter is making me hate life.
-He also got me a space heater so that I’ll stop whining about freezing my butt off. (Note: I WAS freezing it off.)
-Mia added me to her links!!
-I got up on time today.
-It’s Friday.
-My dog is sitting here being freakin’ cute.
-I have holiday coffee—Yes, it tastes like Christmas. Christmas in my cup every morning. Let me just tell you, it’s a reason to wake up.

I’m sitting here with my space heater and Norah Jones and my cinnamon sugar candle…God bless everyone. I love being warm. I’m planning on getting some random things done…Already worked on the kitchen…It’s my day to walk Preston…Gonna do my Yoga sun salutations---Always, always, there is homework.

Oh, the fiancé and I have had to make a command decision to box up our “Friends” DVD’s for awhile…yeah, we like them…a lot…It’s soooo easy to watch...and yet sooo insidious. Put in one episode while you eat. Finish plate—but, there are still a few minutes to the episode. Re-fill plate, because you have to be eating to watch t.v., right? Episode is over before plate re-fill is gone. Start new episode…

Continue rationalization cycle until fatness reminiscent of Free Willy or Jabba the Hut—oh, and you’ve also gotten nothing done for the evening…”Friends” are NOT there for me. So, they’re gone. Did I mention that we don’t even have any channels on our t.v….Really, not one….Now, we don’t have our friends, either. Dang their skinny tushies anyways. I think I’m going to have to scratch Sex and the City off of my Christmas list, too.

A Series of Awkward Moments

Can't write long, but thought I should update...I just have not had a free moment at all lately. I am SUCKING at exercise! I even wake up at 4:30 or 5 most mornings...It's just that even when I wake up, my morning is packed with other things that need to be done. I think tomorrow, I'll at least force myself out for a 30 minute run in the morning...

I'll try to write again in the morning to hold myself accountable...

I'm trying to figure out where it is that I am going wrong...I think that my all-or-nothing perfectionism plays into my relationship with fitness heavily...if I screw up...then, screw it. I don't mean to have that attitude, but hell if it isn't hell to shake off! Tonight, I'm going to bed with my morning to-do list prepared, my work-out clothes readily available and my coffe ready...and, if I can only work in 20 minutes...then at least that's 20 minutes!!!!!!!! I think part of my problem is that my goal is 1 hr. per day...and, if I can't do that, then I often secretly think it's not worth even starting at all....I'm working on this attitude...

...always working on one of my attitudes...

A Series of Awkward Moments

Feeling less evil today. Hooray! I'm feeling better about education--it's just the university stuff that gets to me...After being at a school all morning, I'm revitalized...love the time spent with kids. No, really. LOVE. IT. Did I mention that my "little" of 2 1/2 years through Big Brothers, Big Sisters is moving far far away? I wasn't thinking that I would get another one for quite awhile, but today, when I was working with ornery fourth and fifth graders, I just thought...maybe. Yesterday, I was in a special ed. classroom where I hang out two days a week. I freaking love it. I absolutely love kids. I feel a special pull to the problem children...Will talk more later.
It's really sinking in that my "little" is moving. I just love her so much...I can't imagine that this move is positive for her...but, I will always always be here to support her. Kids need support so much.
Must eat lunch...Will write more later.

random rambling...

As usual, I'm hard at work on an education project... (I'm assuming that I will never use it, although it would be nice if some of these things actually will go into use one day.) I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm in an unusual program where one works on their Master's while they are completing their bachelor's...So, oddly enough, I will graduate with my master's one semester after my bachelor's...(Yes, this is a large, accredited university--with a ranked program..not internet college or something) The reason for the existence of this program is that a master's degree is required to teach sp. ed. in my state, but there is also a large teacher shortage for sp. ed....The reeeaaally cool thing is that I pay undergrad. prices for almost all of my grad. classes...the bad thing is that I do a lot of practicum experiences, etc., that I might have been able to get paid for anyways, had I just gone into teaching regular ed. first--which I would be doing right now, had I not taken the odd route...Plus, it's always weird to tell my family at holidays that I technically don't have my bachelor's degree yet, even though I have about half of a master's...:)--Perfectionist, kick-my-own-butt-me, of course, wants to complete every imaginable class available before possibility of jacking up any other human beings.

I say all this to mention that I think that, aside from my sp. ed. classes, teacher education is much like a religious cult....at least at the land from which I hail...Please excuse me while I go pray to the dean of elementary education...Really, though, it is absolutely maddening. There is just no room for personal space whatsoever.--Also...education, I love...however, I am frequently told of my need to be an upstanding example in my community, so that the people who see me out will not think poorly of a teacher...Holy cow, that drives me crazy...I will be an example of what IIIIIIIIIIIIII think is exemplary, however, if we apply the faye rule of thumb, we will see that my example of anything is usually not consistant with that of the norm...That's just me.

Hopefully, the "real world" will not be as cultish as the experience in which I currently take part.

Yesterday was my little brother's birthday...He has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, so we didn't talk...but, I'm going to Dallas to visit him in two weeks. :)

get over it

Are the Gods of morning punishing me for living in sin, or what? Again, my fiance has woken up in a state of morning dumbness and turned off MY ALARM CLOCK! I cannot tell you how absolutely maddening this is. It makes me into a crazed urber-psycho-creature that very few people have only heard of, never seen.

First, my professors have convinced me that should a teacher ever be late, they will certainly be fired on the spot. And whether aI believe that or not, it's just that I need a routine....I'm sort of a failed perfectionist (if you will...not that I recommend it)--so, in the morning, when I have my routine in mind, if it get's jacked up, I just feel that I've started my day all wrong.--like it's ruined.--or, maybe it's more than that... Okay, it's this. For such a loooooooong time, it has been a definite goal of mine to work out in the a.m.--Due to teachery practicum stuff, it really does have to be early if I'm going to do it in the morning.

I used to live alone in the cutest loft studio ever, and I would wake up early every morning, slowly sipping tea with milk, writing in my journal. I enjoyed being up before most of the world around me....I guess what I want now is that plus a little fitness, and when I get neither, and it's totally out of my control, I find that a litttle maddening.

Click below for a funny. Make sure to read the text-I'm a geek. It just struck me as funny.

Lyzardly: "

ramble number five.

I was just backtracking through Mia's blog. I came to her Aug. 27th post and thought that I would respond to that. I would love to link to that page, but I'm a computer ass, so you'll just have to use the link that I have to her site and find Aug. 27 for yourself. :)

I remember watching the movie "The Truth About Cats and Dogs," of all movies...but, one of my favorite parts was when one of the characters said something to the effect of, "Our faces are just shapes. It is not that one is beautiful and that the other is not. They are just different shapes." That was a VERY loose paraphrase, by the way.

Why do we, as women, let ourselves be reduced to hopes of airbrushed model Barbie look-alikes? Why do we secretly hate ourselves for not fitting into this unrealistic image? Most of all, how do we avoid perpetuating this problem with our young girls? My sister is 7, and my parents bought her professional highlights--Her friends thought she was lucky, but I feel so sorry for her...what a young age to learn that you are not good enough just as yourself?

This is one of the reasons I'm in the field of Education.

Here's a poem by a famous poet who speaks out on issues of feminism. There is also some other info. on body image, etc. Again, I'm a computer-ass, so I don't really know how to post links.

Barbie Doll
By Marge Piercy

This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.
She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.

She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.

In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker's cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn't she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.

number four?

Well, I’m off to exercise in about two minutes, so I’ll make this short. Great morning, here. I’m such a happy girl when I wake early... Well, once I get up, that is. Today, I’m planning for a 20-minute lower body workout and then 40 minutes of good cardio... and I shall have a hotty body by 8 a.m.! (if only it worked like that!)

On a freakishly happy note, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday, and all the Christmas shit is out...For someone who is not religious, I just cannot tell you how much I just love the holidays. My fiance is Jewish, as I have mentioned...For our cards, I'm taking a little pix. of Preston (our famous Lab.--ok, famous to me)--one with a Santa Hat and one with a Yarmulke (for all Gentiles out there, if I phonetically spelled this word, it would be Ya-Mu-Kah...there we go). I'm going to paste the two little square black & white photos on the card, and underneath them, it will just say "Happy Holidays." Oh--and for those of you who don't have a Jewish boyfriend, I get to have Chanukah AND Christmas, and you-ooh dont! :) The real victim here is the dog. Oh, and I don't usually actually follow through on stuff like this. But, ah, the intentions...

ramble number three.

Didn’t ramble yesterday...Well, not on a blog, at least. I sat most of the day out sick. I actually think I caught it online, as all of you whose blogs I’m reading seem to be sick as well.

Feeling sort of crabby and behind on some responsibilities...how trying. It’s amazing how much being behind on one thing can cause distress...which, then causes me to fall behind on something else...when then brings about shoddier feelings...which then cause me to fall behind on yet something else. And then what is there to do but eat some cake? Cycle schmycle.

I’m planning a wedding. My wedding. It’s not until July, but in the freaky and messed up world of Brides to Be, this isn’t long at all. First, let me say that I am the least “bride” of all brides...Marriage, I'm for, especially marriage to B. I’m just not an "all eyes on me" person; however I folded at the sound of motherly pleas ...So, the good news is that I’m finally ironing out some of the details...which makes me feel that I have things under control much more...which makes me happy. I have to admit that some of it is actually fun...like the fact that we’re getting married outside...We don’t know who’s going to officiate, however. He was raised Jewish and I was raised Christian, but neither of us see a lot of use for any major organized religion in our lives. —Also, for us, that would be an individual rather than a couple decision. So, it’s a secular ceremony...Spiritual, yes...Religious, not so much...Short and to the point, ABSOLUTELY!

In an unrelated story, I volunteer for the organization Big Brothers, Big Sisters. For about two and a half years, I’ve had the same “little.” She’s 13 now—I’m pretty honest with her that middle school is a pretty big dip in the road of life...I think she agrees....but, I’m not so sure she totally believes me that it does get better. I would absolutely freak out if I had to go back to that time period in my life. How miserable. Anyways, I mention my little to say that, all of a sudden, her mom has decided to move the family really far away...More than a day’s drive! I’m so sad! The worst part is I am in such a busy time for the next month or so, and so I just don’t have any time to do a lot of extra special things with her before she leaves. I hope she will be ok there.—We are planning on keeping in touch, and, hopefully, she’ll be able to spend a little time with me over the summer.

ramble number one.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."

-Elie Wiesel

For a perfectionist such as myself, it is an absolutely formidable task to attempt to begin something such as this without hitting a never-ending demon posession cycle of type/delete/type/delete...Thank the Gods of rational thought that I finally know enough about myself to realize that I absolutely cannot attempt to define and sum-up my self-complicating existence in a title,

or in a few paragraphs of text...

...er, today, at least.

Henceforth (yes, henceforth), I have decided to begin simply...with my favorite quote in life, which has been credited to a hero of mine...Elie Wiesel- Author of a life-changing true narrative reflection of his experiences in a concentration camp during the Holocaust.

Night.

PLEASE read it.

This brings me to goal number one:

Evade indifference.

It may seem a tad serious---and, I often do not seem a serious gal. Let's get real here, though.

Life is short.

What is the damned point of meandering along without really being alive...without really caring?

There is more. Always, there is more. I will expound upon this, and many other annoying details that you could probably do without, in the near furture. First I have to learn how to do this damned blog thing.