Monday, December 22, 2008

birding: don't hate the playa, hate the game.


Fo shizzle, yo. I've been b to the irding.

There is so a great blue heron in my back yard right now. It's huge! It's sitting on top of this dam that goes across the creek, just looking for dinner. And I still can't find my camera. I did log it in my bird book! Said bird book has 43" written beside the name great blue heron. I think this means wing span. Holy heck!

I see why old people like doing this! Give me some plaid polyester, a bird book and I'm good to go. My husband thinks he'll make a great old person; he wants to wear questionable hats and spend all morning drinking McDonald's coffee with his old man buddies. I think I might be even better! I want to be that lady who sits at rabble rousing political meetings knitting tea pot cozies (I actually do know this woman and do actually want to be her.). Then, I'll go home and "look at my birds."

This reminds me that I really want to check out the new Dallas Audobon center and also what is apparently the "largest urban hardwood forest in the country." I'm not clear on whether that's two different places or one giant nature extravaganza. Maybe if I write that down right here, I will see it and actually remember to go!

old movies + therapy


I like old movies. I treasure the idealism. Why not? It's a Wonderful Life. The Bishop's Wife. Shop Around the Corner. Old movies are like happy ending insurance. They're not going to mess with your mind like new movies try to do, with a surprise ambiguous ending or where somehow the couple doesn't get together. New movies will do crap like that, I think sometimes under the misconception that it adds an artistic element. I'm just saying, if you're at the end and your haven't made your artistic mark on a film yet, maybe you should try waiting tables. Anyways, for me the bottom line is that I'm a movie pragmatist; life is short, and I don't have time for a leisure activity to make me feel crappy for no good reason. Save it for therapy. They've got all the reality you want in there, and it's YOUR reality, not make-believe. Anyways, that's why I watched Roman Holiday for the first time today, to feel fuzzy. What the ****?!! Spoiler Alert: The ending is sobering! I have been under the misconception that all old films have a happily ever after ending. Seriously, there has been a crack in the fish bowl here. If there are any other *expletive* *expletive* old films with crappy endings that you know of, by all means send me an email!

Anyways, I still actually like today a lot. B is shadowing a dr and has our car. So, I picked up the house so I don't have to do the "quickly step outside and shut the door *&#*$&% fast" if anyone stops by. Made biscuits and gravy. With coffee. And o.j! After that, I made my own big fire! It might be my first fire by myself that wasn't one of those little logs that you buy for 4 bucks from target that say things on the bag like, "real crackling sounds!"

I hope to unpack a few boxes we've been trying to forget about. Turns out that doesn't really make them go away. I have this Sean Corn yoga dvd I truly love that has been MIA since we moved (4 months?). And, I'm considering figuring out how to catch the bus line to my gym. Remember the one I haven't been to yet but somehow feel skinnier just being a member?

I'm getting ready to start a new novel, I think. I've been wanting to really, really read Paulo Coelho. I liked what I read of 11 minutes, although, OMG, that book will mess with your head! I bought Veronika Decides To Die, which apparently "questions the meaning of madness and celebrates individuals who do not fit into patterns society considers to be normal." Sounds right up my alley, but so are a lot of the other unread novels on my shelf. I'm having a hard time with novels lately, which is my clue to myself that I'm a little stuck in a no-fun mode. I suspect this happens especially to other women sometimes, too, but I get stuck in this place where everything I do seems like it should have some kind of gain...I'm working, or thinking about work, or reading about work, or even reading about spiritual stuff, honestly...where is the part that is JUST for fun? Where is my camera? That's what I really want to know.

And, hopefully, I'll meditate. I'm good at this the days I work, I think because I get into a schedule and I know my time is shorter. Most days, B and I wake up early enough to eat a good breakfast and meditate for 20 to 30 minutes. We usually start by reading something out of Pema Chodron's book on Lojong. I don't really know what that is either, but the book is centering; you open to a random page each day to read an excerpt from "Lojong" teachings as well as Pema's interpretation. My favorite one right now is: "Be grateful to everyone." About this excerpt, Pema sayeth:
Others will always show you exactly where you are stuck. They say or do something and you automatically get hooked into a familiar way of reacting- shutting down, speeding up, or getting all worked up. When you react in the habitual way, with anger, greed, and so forth, it gives you a chance to see your patterns and work with them honestly and compassionately. Without others provoking you, you remain ignorant of your painful habits and cannot train in transforming them into the path of awakening.
Um, check, check, check and check.