little tree at the fancy pants mall...oriental maple?

I admit it, even to my fellow garage sale and thrift store aficionados, I love the fancy pants mall. It is like going to a museum. I love to watch people in beautiful clothes, like moving art installations. I like to smell Chanel and to sift through Anthropologie's plates, fabric and clothes like I'm at the most expensive thrift store in the world. I like to smell everything at the Aveda store, especially the tea. And to try all of the different kinds of teas that speak out to me at the tea shop. I love how fancy pants mall excursions leave me close to Barnes and Noble, Half Price books and sad (for my pant size) to say, the most artful and, holy crap, tasty of cupcakes: Sprinkles.

you could be my umbrella. ella ella ella hey hey hey

Currently reading:

Just finished, "In Her Shoes" again. You know, as part of my Jennifer Weiner re-readathon. I only re-read two, but two was enough and they were good, even though I'm not usually into re-reading. Thank god I'm reading more fiction again...Something is wrong when you can no longer bear to settle into fiction. It is as if your mind will not tolerate something that does not result in some sort of "gain," whether it is professional, personal or spiritual. I find that as I've practiced presence more, reading fiction is back (replacing dumb, often regretted internet time) and I'm having fun with it. It makes me sad to think of all of the time I didn't read that kind of book...it's so good for the soul to invest in something that is made-up and just as and transient as the lives we are living right now.

and of course I'm still reading "A New Earth," by Eckhart Tolle.

In his book, Eckhart Tolle says, "The key to understanding 'this to will pass' is knowing that non-resistance, non-judgement and non-attachments are the (keys to) enlightened living. Once you see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear or anxiety about the future."

Love it. I love this book. I love the WAY he quotes Jesus...It feels like that final connection I've been looking for (consciously and unconsciously) to reconcile the Buddhist philosophies that make so much sense to me and have brought me the most peace with the intensity and intimacy of my childhood connection with Christianity. I love reflecting back on verses from the Bible that used to mean so much to me. I haven't known what to do with those for awhile, but they fit in so well with this paradigm of thinking.

I'm grateful for mornings with flickering candles and heavy cups of coffee...open patio doors...relaxing with books and slow, purposeful breathing. I'm grateful to go to work in an inspired setting with inspired people, and to share laughs with kids, to work in small groups at my little kidney bean-shaped table, with my window open behind me, listening to spring's birds, the old-school bowling alley-ish wood floors shining in the sun. It could all end, disappear, turn out to be a fleeting dream, one of a million bubbles on a fast-moving stream. There is nothing I can do to make the impermanent permanent. That used to cause me pain. But it is reality, and accepting it feels better than the mirage of stability.

on a walk...

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” Albert Einstein

So, Dear Universe...

Someone somewhere undoubtedly has a more important question, but my sneezy a$$ self wants to know: What is the lesson in a cold? Is there a lesson? Stillness? A reminder of the fleeting, impermanent state of things? Appreciation for baseline? When I am sick, I tend to feel anxious about what I'm not getting done and of the life I'm not getting. I think things like, "I should be outside," and "how am I going to write my lesson plans?" Pema Chodron says, "This moment is the perfect teacher." What is this moment trying to teach me?

I've also been wondering, will Sabrina and Mark(DWTS) stay together forever? And what is your take on Albert's strappy sandals?

yay

our old apartment + imposing cat + dog + mess

Well, my job seems to want me back next year. Yay for me, because I'm having a crap-load of fun and really love where I am; the thought of going longer into the summer does not seem like work. Of course, I eventually tend to love where ever I work, and I really believe we make our happiness where ever we are, but I also think this is just right for me right now. It amazes me that my weeks and weekends seem to blend into one another more and more, as I become increasingly "present" throughout the week. Part of this is the humility of spending all day every day with the same little kids depending on me; it is unbelievably humbling, such a blessing. It seems wrong not to show up excited to see them; their eyes light up when I pick them up in the morning, and they give extra long hugs on Fridays and before breaks. The most humbling thing is that all of that is not about me. I really believe that's just how kids are; they just want to see your eyes light up back.

Anways, although I love where I am (and plan on staying until security is called), I was missing some of the fun of middle school tonight. Man, I *loved* messing with those kids. Most of them didn't know the teacher could control all of the computers in the computer lab, so I got a lot out of computer lab days. I would blank out all of the kids' screens with "I know what you did last summer," and I liked to take over boys' computers and google things like "How to sing like Britney" and barbie.com. In my room, I had one of those giant projectors that would show my computer screen. I once put up one of those, "find what's wrong with this picture" things that you stare at until the girl from the Ring pops up all huge, scary and screaming (loud). I'm talking the size of a wall, that scary little girl. These kids literally fell out on the floor, and I'm sure I annoyed some teacher neighbors; it was the best day.

If I ever go back to middle school (or high school), I will always take 2nd grade with me. I've decided that they really aren't different. The younger ones are just more transparent (Okay, infinitely easier, but still- basically the same). They all need you. They all want you to love them and like them; the middle school ones just take awhile to buy into you. They've seen more failures, realized that not everyone will love them back; they are the same thing, just more insecure.