Monday, May 01, 2006

green minus yellow = faye


I'm blue.

I am one of those people who surprises others with how well I react to misfortune...for example, when smoke started coming out of my car on my way to an interview this weekend, I just smiled and looked into it. Don't sweat what you can't control, right? So, I lost my air conditioner. Who cares, right? I showed up sweaty but confident. When I got to this interview that I spent 9 hours driving to and unlimited hours preparing for only to find that the position had been filled earlier that week & so I was interviewing for a position on a waiting list, I said, "well, at least I gained experience." When, on the way home, the clutch in my little (much loved) car gave way and the car coasted along to the side of I35, where it stopped indefinitely- and where I, my husband, our dog & our cat would wait the next 4.5 hours for our family to come from KS and rescue us, I said, "at least our car died next to a meadow!"

I am one of those people who surprises others with how well I react to misfortune...or how well it seems that I react to misfortune. Enter Monday. Enter boughts of laughing and crying at the same time. Enter re-playing the same Friends DVD over and over. Enter emotional eating. Enter grumpy uber-psycho, Faye.

No car. No great new job. No money.

I'm blue.

I know. I know. My perspective is jacked. I will return to normal Faye, somewhere in between the creepy plastered smile when everything is going wrong and the even more disturbing fits of simultaneous laughter/tears.

Somewhere in here, I decided to share a quote that I stole from my once ex friend, Jenn. It is nice not to have an ex friend anymore...especially if I continue to get a stream of inspirational material like the following...

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


By Marianne Williamson
from A Return To Love: Reflections on
the Principles of A Course in Miracles