A Series of Awkward Moments: "BlogThis"
hello little blogger friends...I'm back! You know me, falling off of the face of the earth every now and then...but, I always come back. I could never leave you, oh no. The world of three jobs has been treating me a little roughly, so I've not been in an updating place. Of course, I'm also taking classes-- not sure if I'll ever be able to shake that little addiction.
I've just quit my job in the ed. dept. of the zoo, though...I will miss doing community presentations and teaching rug rats how to recycle, but it as it turns out, I'm not really into animals in cages. Or really, I'm just not sure how I feel about it. Zoos really might be our best conservation hope; I might (probably) will change my mind. For now, I think I'm a little more PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals...I know, Don't judge me!) than AZA (American Zoological & Aquarium Assoc.). So, I'm a less busy lady, which is nice...because I've been doing some extra reading up on Buddhism, and I'd like to do some more-- I have been interested in Buddhism as a way of life (not so much as a religion) for awhile, but I recently had the opportunity to see Tibetan monks create a mandala installation (which I think may end up being the inspiration for my first ever tattoo!)...watching them meditate and chant was moving in a way that I don't think I can put words to...You know, maybe it was my expected perception, but it seemed that the spirit of mindfulness and meditation actually gave the room this energy you could almost touch.
I'm now reading a book written by a Buddhist monk: "Working With Anger." A supervisor at my Peace and Justice job gave it to me when I found myself perplexed over what I perceive to be a spirit of anger within today's peace movement...The ironic thing is that in reading this book, I've found so much anger and discontent in myself that I would never have guessed is there...I think people might be surprised where they'll find anger and discontent in their psyche...for me, I think there is a fear of being judged, and a need to be well-thought of. love me! love me! :)
Speaking of being well thought-of, wish me luck, because I have some interviews coming up in a couple of weeks...Unfortunately, there aren't a ton of progressive political organizing positions in the brightest of bright red Dallas, but there are a couple. I'm looking at an environmental campaign and a national organization called ACORN. I'm hoping it will bode well for me that I do organizing for a peace & justice group now (albeit part-time...grassroots, dang-it!). How I wish that I could live near Mia and work for my all time favorite organization (well, right now), Global Exchange!!
I've surely mentioned that I'm hoping to go on a trip w/ Global Exchange this summer, to Nicaragua. This is why I serve up big slabs of meat and fries on the weekends these days. On these trips, you visit sweatshops, the infamous free trade zones, non-fair trade coffee plantations and then fair trade coffee plantations...I'm excited to put some faces to the sweatshop/fair trade campaigns I've been involved in. I've worked on some fair wage stuff here, and I'm currently working on a pretty big (for me) undertaking in promoting fair trade and environtmentally conscious consumerism here, which is the height of fun. Okay, not the height....but, it is fun....
This brings me back to Buddhism, because I think I'm attached to my identity as "helper"...of course, that's consistent with my values, but what if no one ever knew that I did any of this stuff? Would I feel as good about myself, or do I secretly need the stamp of approval? I remember when a person who I ended up becoming close with first met me and made some assumptions about me...I was so offended by her judgement of me, because i think I'm attached to my identity as a survivor, and for her not to perceive me in that way was threatening to me...attachments...attachments...attachment to ego is an interesting idea, isn't?
Sorry for the incomplete thought, but it's super late. I've been putting off going to bed b/c my husband's 24-7 MCAT studies have put him WAY under the weather...and I don't want what he's got.
Quote for today:
"There is more to life than increasing its speed."
-Mahatma Gandhi
