I've been sort of blue lately. Or, bored. Bored. Blue. I don't know. I've finished the Teach For America-ish certification program that was keeping me ever so busy, and now I'm just looking, looking, looking for that elusive pay check. I went into teaching for all of the mushy reasons, but right now, I'm all about the paper. I'm also all about a reason to get up in the morning!
I'm one of those people who is pretty motivated and healthy when I stay busy...I totally thrive there. During the majority of the summer, I was super busy-- a little too busy, honestly, but I do so much better in life when my plate is full. Now that I don't have anything on my plate, really, I'm honestly pushing miserable a little bit. It's summer! I love summer. I'm one of those annoying people who doesn't even mind the heat. I'm not getting out there and doing the things that I love, though. I love reading in coffee houses, yoga, walking my dog, going on long bike rides-- I don't do any of that-- There is a "hot" yoga studio a block from me offering unlimited yoga for $10 for 10 days, and I kept saying, "tomorrow, I'll go." Did I? Nope. You'd think that with all this time on my hands, I would have a pristine apartment and would be exercising daily. Nope, nope. Catching up on my correspondence? Nope. Re-watching "You've Got Mail," b/c I'm too lazy to even change the DVD? Uh, maybe.
I keep saying to myself that I am SO excited that once I get a job, school will start soon...b/c I know that this apathy will take care of itself once I'm busy again. The fact is, though, I can't depend on external factors to maintain my quality of life. I really need to get out there and live my life. I always go on and on and on about living life to the fullest, and I've yet to find the most full version of my life on my futon.
Unfortunately, this is all I have right now...b/c not a lot has been going on! I spent time with friends yesterday...drank red wine and even wore a little of it. Overall, I'm doing great, really--- I just need to push through this next week or so of not a lot to do.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
nine one one.
my humps.
my humps. my humps, my humps, my humps. my lovely lady lumps. in the back and in the front. my humps.
Friday night, I was having a drink at a bar with my friend Elizabeth and my husband, Bruce. We were listening to a karaoke version of "my humps," and we were probably the most sober people within at least a few yards. Above the bar was a television showing videos of Israel's attack on the Beirut International Airport. We all acknowledged the dichotomy of the situation, and had a short discussion on some of life's more political questions. Some of these questions, I have grappled with for years. I can remember being a child and learning about the Holocaust; I remember casting judgement upon every human living at the time, who chose to do nothing...who did not research their intuitions, their fears...who were disconnected as families and individuals were exploited for labor and slowly murdered...How could it happen???
Later, I began reading Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor who is famous for many things, including his words on indifference.
so, I ask myself...
What are the responsibilities of a citizen (of a state/nation/world)?
Where is the line between indifference and a clean conscience?
In other words, am I doing enough?
Is it enough to simply vote your conscience...
or should we be doing more?
Is it enough to show up at a protest,
or should we be doing more?
I think of all of the terrible things...
Darfur...human exploitation...Iraq...economic exploitation
I know that if these situations were right in front of me,
I would feel so differently. If someone were dying in front of
us, wouldn't we do all that we could to save them?
When can we say we have done enough?
I tend to think that most answers to these questions are rationalizations, and that the true answers were held by people like:
Jesus,
Mother Theresa,
Gandhi,
and Dorothy Day...
Are conviction and conscience relative? Was Mother Theresa's calling hers alone...or one that most of us simply ignore?
...I know one thing: Dissent is the highest form of patriotism. Being "non-political" may be a comforting thought; however it is my belief that citizenship should be taken seriously...not doing so gives up your power, which can (and has!) been used to exploit, to steal, to kill. The concepts behind America are pretty fantastic--I've included an excerpt from the Declaration of Independence here:
On April 4, 1967, in the midst of the Vietnam War, Martin Luther King spoke at Riverside Church in New York City on the subject "Beyond Vietnam—A Time to Break Silence." Note the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam. A question I'm asking myself is, "are we doing enough?" It seems that people generally agree that the dissent involved in this unjust war is not as powerful as the dissent found in Vietnam. I wonder, what is the difference? Are we more disconnected? More busy? Are we afraid to think about it? Is it just too hard? This is only an excerpt of his speech; if you want the full text and cannot find it online, email me and I'll pass it along. :)
Friday night, I was having a drink at a bar with my friend Elizabeth and my husband, Bruce. We were listening to a karaoke version of "my humps," and we were probably the most sober people within at least a few yards. Above the bar was a television showing videos of Israel's attack on the Beirut International Airport. We all acknowledged the dichotomy of the situation, and had a short discussion on some of life's more political questions. Some of these questions, I have grappled with for years. I can remember being a child and learning about the Holocaust; I remember casting judgement upon every human living at the time, who chose to do nothing...who did not research their intuitions, their fears...who were disconnected as families and individuals were exploited for labor and slowly murdered...How could it happen???
Later, I began reading Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor who is famous for many things, including his words on indifference.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
so, I ask myself...
What are the responsibilities of a citizen (of a state/nation/world)?
Where is the line between indifference and a clean conscience?
In other words, am I doing enough?
Is it enough to simply vote your conscience...
or should we be doing more?
Is it enough to show up at a protest,
or should we be doing more?
I think of all of the terrible things...
Darfur...human exploitation...Iraq...economic exploitation
I know that if these situations were right in front of me,
I would feel so differently. If someone were dying in front of
us, wouldn't we do all that we could to save them?
When can we say we have done enough?
I tend to think that most answers to these questions are rationalizations, and that the true answers were held by people like:
Jesus,
Mother Theresa,
Gandhi,
and Dorothy Day...
Are conviction and conscience relative? Was Mother Theresa's calling hers alone...or one that most of us simply ignore?
...I know one thing: Dissent is the highest form of patriotism. Being "non-political" may be a comforting thought; however it is my belief that citizenship should be taken seriously...not doing so gives up your power, which can (and has!) been used to exploit, to steal, to kill. The concepts behind America are pretty fantastic--I've included an excerpt from the Declaration of Independence here:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
What Would Martin Luther King Do?
On April 4, 1967, in the midst of the Vietnam War, Martin Luther King spoke at Riverside Church in New York City on the subject "Beyond Vietnam—A Time to Break Silence." Note the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam. A question I'm asking myself is, "are we doing enough?" It seems that people generally agree that the dissent involved in this unjust war is not as powerful as the dissent found in Vietnam. I wonder, what is the difference? Are we more disconnected? More busy? Are we afraid to think about it? Is it just too hard? This is only an excerpt of his speech; if you want the full text and cannot find it online, email me and I'll pass it along. :)
In 1957 when a group of us formed the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, we chose as our motto: "To save the soul of America." We were convinced that we could not limit our vision to certain rights for black people, but instead affirmed the conviction that America would never be free or saved from itself until the descendants of its slaves were loosed completely from the shackles they still wear. In a way we were agreeing with Langston Hughes, that black bard of Harlem, who had written earlier:
O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath —
America will be!
Now, it should be incandescently clear that no one who has any concern for the integrity and life of America today can ignore the present war. If America's soul becomes totally poisoned, part of the autopsy must read: Vietnam Iraq. It can never be saved so long as it destroys the deepest hopes of men the world over. So it is that those of us who are yet determined that America will be are led down the path of protest and dissent, working for the health of our land.…
What must they be thinking when they know that we are aware of their control of major sections of Vietnam Iraq, and yet we appear ready to allow national elections in which this highly organized political parallel government many Iraqis, including the entire Sunni population, will not have a part?… Is our nation planning to build on political myth again, and then shore it up upon the power of new violence?
Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy's point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.…
At this point I should make it clear that while I have tried in these last few minutes to give a voice to the voiceless in Vietnam Iraq and to understand the arguments of those who are called "enemy," I am as deeply concerned about our own troops there as anything else. For it occurs to me that what we are submitting them to in Vietnam Iraq is not simply the brutalizing process that goes on in any war where armies face each other and seek to destroy. We are adding cynicism to the process of death, for they must know after a short period there that none of the things we claim to be fighting for are really involved. Before long they must know that their government has sent them into a struggle among Vietnamese Iraqis, and the more sophisticated surely realize that we are on the side of the wealthy, and the secure, while we create a hell for the poor.
Somehow this madness must cease. We must stop now. I speak as a child of God and brother to the suffering poor of Vietnam Iraq. I speak for those whose land is being laid waste, whose homes are being destroyed, whose culture is being subverted. I speak for the poor of America who are paying the double price of smashed hopes at home, and death and corruption in Vietnam Iraq. I speak as a citizen of the world, for the world as it stands aghast at the path we have taken. I speak as one who loves America, to the leaders of our own nation: The great initiative in this war is ours; the initiative to stop it must be ours.…
A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life's highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.
A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa, and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say, "This is not just." It will look at our alliance with the landed gentry of South America and say, "This is not just." The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just.
A true revolution of values will lay hand on the world order and say of war, "This way of settling differences is not just." This business of burning torturing human beings with napalm, of filling our nation's homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into the veins of peoples normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice, and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.
America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing except a tragic death wish to prevent us from reordering our priorities so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war. There is nothing to keep us from molding a recalcitrant status quo with bruised hands until we have fashioned it into a brotherhood.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
jesus is just all right with me...really!
It may sound a little cliche, but the book "Tuesdays With Morrie" really did change my life. (If it weren't for "Night," by Elie Wiesel, I might have to call it my favorite book of all...but nothing touches "Night." )
What I learned from Morrie is that there is value to be found in setting my goals/plans aside so that I notice the unplanned in life...In our culture, we are not expected to question the value of being uber-goal-oriented. We move so quickly. We are drinking our meals now. Is it true that pb&j's now come FROZEN with the crust already removed?! The heck? What have we gained? What are we running toward? I have heard it said that our culture is moving toward a collective clinical insanity. We're running so hard, and burning bridges along the way...with eachother, our spirits, the earth...I know, I sound like a greeting card, but really!
Believe it or not, I was a very, very deeply religious child and young teenager. My grandma took me to church every Sunday. At first, I loved the wintergreen gum and droping a quarter in the collection plate. Later, I got pretty into it. Have you seen "Jesus Camp?" I'm talking a super fundy, here. I think I got "saved" at the alter at least three times, and once it was at an event where there were actually fireworks! Woo Hoo! I remember pastors asking people to keep their hands raised if they were saved, and then we would go talk about our numbers much like the stock-market. "Oh my heavans, the Assembly of God church on 4th Street had 45 saved this week! We only had 15!" I began to wonder about this whole thing.
There I was in spirtual, er, crisis.
So, I asked my Dr. for some Zoloft to help me deal with my spiritual crisis. I was 17 at the time. He said to me,
"Now... what?"
"I'm depressed b/c I don't think I believe in Christianity, and that's my whole life."
"Do you believe in anything?"
"Er, I don't know."
"Do you think that God made nature?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well, why don't you try praying to that God, then. You're 17, and your medical card will run out soon."
"Oh, okay."
and so it began...it really was a fun road, without all those rules....
Inspite of my pursuit to wash the bad taste that that particular flavor of religion has left in my mouth, I'm finding myself looking into the words of Jesus, whose words I've come to believe are the most misunderstood words ever spoken. I don't usually identify with most Christians; however, I'm reading a book, "The Complete Jesus," which is a compilation of Jesus' words from a variety of sources. The true, non jacked-with and manipulated teachings of Jesus are absolutely beautiful...Mahatma Ghandi said, "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Dang, that Ghandi was smart. Right-o Ghandi. Right-o Dooby Brothers. Apparently, Jesus is just all-right with me too.
What I learned from Morrie is that there is value to be found in setting my goals/plans aside so that I notice the unplanned in life...In our culture, we are not expected to question the value of being uber-goal-oriented. We move so quickly. We are drinking our meals now. Is it true that pb&j's now come FROZEN with the crust already removed?! The heck? What have we gained? What are we running toward? I have heard it said that our culture is moving toward a collective clinical insanity. We're running so hard, and burning bridges along the way...with eachother, our spirits, the earth...I know, I sound like a greeting card, but really!
Believe it or not, I was a very, very deeply religious child and young teenager. My grandma took me to church every Sunday. At first, I loved the wintergreen gum and droping a quarter in the collection plate. Later, I got pretty into it. Have you seen "Jesus Camp?" I'm talking a super fundy, here. I think I got "saved" at the alter at least three times, and once it was at an event where there were actually fireworks! Woo Hoo! I remember pastors asking people to keep their hands raised if they were saved, and then we would go talk about our numbers much like the stock-market. "Oh my heavans, the Assembly of God church on 4th Street had 45 saved this week! We only had 15!" I began to wonder about this whole thing.
There I was in spirtual, er, crisis.
So, I asked my Dr. for some Zoloft to help me deal with my spiritual crisis. I was 17 at the time. He said to me,
"Now... what?"
"I'm depressed b/c I don't think I believe in Christianity, and that's my whole life."
"Do you believe in anything?"
"Er, I don't know."
"Do you think that God made nature?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well, why don't you try praying to that God, then. You're 17, and your medical card will run out soon."
"Oh, okay."
and so it began...it really was a fun road, without all those rules....
Inspite of my pursuit to wash the bad taste that that particular flavor of religion has left in my mouth, I'm finding myself looking into the words of Jesus, whose words I've come to believe are the most misunderstood words ever spoken. I don't usually identify with most Christians; however, I'm reading a book, "The Complete Jesus," which is a compilation of Jesus' words from a variety of sources. The true, non jacked-with and manipulated teachings of Jesus are absolutely beautiful...Mahatma Ghandi said, "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Dang, that Ghandi was smart. Right-o Ghandi. Right-o Dooby Brothers. Apparently, Jesus is just all-right with me too.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
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