home on the range

I am home on the range. This is my grandma's house, where I was mostly raised--my mom and I lived on in a little trailer on my grandma's land...humble, yes. Who would want anything other than? I didn't know it at the time, but it was pretty idyllic. This pic is just out the garden that I remember my great grandpa tending when I was little. I took the picture because I think that' s a squirrel tail hanging off of it; not sure what that's about.

I remember lots about this garden! It used to be even bigger than this. I would take the tomatoes into my wagon and sell them door to door. My grandma would take me to pick okra for pickled okra and to dig up potatoes for the mysterious underground potato cellar- I will always remember it to be one of those strangely comfortable smells, standing, surrounded in the dirt, must be what it smells like to be a toad or a snake, I wound think. She would take me to her precious strawberry patch, then to pick apples off the trees for apple pie.

Baby grapes. I remember these, too.

Mom is still at the hospital. One dr says her tumor is not operable. Another says it is. She's being quite brave. I have an appointment with an endo I've been waiting on for awhile, who had a cancellation. The funny thing is, I feel like I'm sort of giving up on waiting for medicine to make me feel better in his journey. I have an intuition that my real healing/relief will come with getting a bit extreme about nutrition, ecercise and emotion balance....

UPDATE: Jan 2010...Wow, was that intuition ever right! I'm so happy and healthy now. I still have the tumor; sometimes if we take amazing care of our bodies, our bodies will take care of the little dramas such as a tumor for us...I am in need of no treatment other than continued health and happiness! I am so grateful! Grateful! I wish I could walk every single person feeling how I was- walk them down this path so they could feel how I feel today.

strange birds + five clams

Sam + I went on a walk yesterday.  We came upon some birds...the heck?

What are these birds?  The brown ones were kind of metallic-purple on their faces.  They were just barely larger than common doves, walked liked chickens, shook their feathers like peacocks.  They did not seem to mind my little dog + I.  

Breakfast.  Pretty much what I have every day, but it used to have eggs.  

Haven't been feeling eggs for awhile.

Mom Update: My mom's in the hospital getting tests + blood.  It might be a few days before we know anything.  I'm sending lots of peace and healing to her!

Have you watched this?  

www.foodmatters.tv

Totally worth the five clams.  There are some free ones on there, too. 

Healthy Eating: Something about all of this health drama, all over the place, all at once, has made anything remotely processed just look terrible.  I'm generally pretty healthy anyways, although I think someone should tell my a$$ that, because it's just not shrinking.  It's beena little  awhile since I've had anything other than vegetable or fruit--I haven't had gluten, sugar or any sort of animal product (although once I'm healthy, I'd like to have fish again, I imagine). Whatever it takes at this point!  I'm still waiting on my juicer.  Woo hoo.

 

It's 5:26.

It's 5:26.  

Appointment at 4.

She has not called me yet.

Grandma surely wonders, 

if...if...if..., 

 

would it be heaven? 

would it be hell? 

I assure her, unsolicited, 

God hears all Her children.

Triangles awaken

as stubborn perrenials, 

raising with familiarity, 

nature's ironic patterns.

Women's chatter fills

the room,  Fill it.  Fill it.-

another familiar pattern. 

Space, anxiety, space, anxiety

Fill the anxiety.

Feel the anxiety.

It's 5:32.  

When will they call me?

Counting up the barters

to offer the Gods

in exchange for a 

most pleasant phone call.

It's 5:39.

today part I (from iphone pov)

The little dogs + I sat in the gazebo.  Preston sat in this bucket.

It's very cool.

Preston + dirt bucket.

today part II (from iphone pov)

Here is my lunch before.  All from farmer's market.

My lunch after.  It was very good, thank you.

Pico I made to go with organic, vegan chili.  

I just made a couple of servings of the pico, so that we have lots of prana (life) in the 

leftover chili we eat when we make fresh pico to go with it.

A candle I lit for my mom's healing + peace.

dig

It is time to dig deep!  Health, mental clarity, family contacts, Bowen Family Systems, spirituality...no waiting.

Right now, I'm grateful for so much.  That's where my mind is.  What do I have to worry about in this moment?  This moment requires my presence.  

:)