new years in the ghettoasis

Either I'm crazy again or living on the creek must make sounds (gunfire) much louder. And by much louder, I mean, "Are you *&#$*&^ kidding me?" On New Year's Eve, you would not believe the war zone sounds. Yeah, some (most) of that is fireworks, and yeah, only a few (one) were automatic weapons (the hell?!). Come on now.

Although it would be infinitely cooler, I'm not generally the cool-who-cares girl; I'm the one sleeping on the floor of my bedroom because the bullets have less entry points in there. I'm the girl that googles 'tazers,' 'how to tell gunfire from fireworks.'

And much, much worse; it's a devastating downward spiral, really. A harrowing tale at times. Some might say in a benign way; I'm more apt to call it a rocking back and forth, beat my head against a wall, wish I could go back in time and not know kind of a way. I've been down the google image search rabbit hole hell with teratomas, parasites...Not sure where the ideas come from. Karma? The devil himself?

My neighbors were not afraid of Satan at all, it seemed. I half expected them to be out talking about what I can only assume were the Sharks and the Jets outfitted with 21st century weaponry while all the police in the town were at a convention together. Nope. No one writing panicked comments on the message board, either. Even when we did get a knock on the door, it was not for war stories. Kyle across the street brought over black eyed pea soup that would bring tears to your eyes.

Ah, another day in our ghettoasis. I love it more all the time, but it is definitely different from Uptown. And Kansas.

I still love you, Oak Cliff; but I don't have to like you sometimes.

It's my 200th post!

Meet Moses, our new roomie for the past month or so. We found him wondering through the desert. Or, in a teeny room at the Oak Cliff animal shelter. Thought he'd be a good companion for Sam. Total bff's.




Turns out, Moses is killer at Scrabble. Like me, he does better with a glass of cab. "I feel warm, kind of like a hug," he says.




Scrabble is funny. I never noticed how pretty the cat is. Is this table moving?



Dude. The room is spinning. No, really. Stay cool, man. Stay cool.




Someone hold my hair back. I'm never playing scrabble again.

get your motor runnin,' head out on the highway

I've been doing my best thinking. And I'm thinking it might be time for another solo vacation. Philadelphia this summer taught me that there is something liberating and romantic-y about traveling alone. I've done some research, and people say Amsterdam is a great place for a woman traveling alone. I've always loved Van Gogh and Anne Frank; what the heck? It also seems to have what I love about a great city...Ambiance! I like a place to walk around, get lost in, soak up. A sight or two is good for me. I'm more about the ambiance. So, Amsterdam. Super walkable, lots of English speaking going on, mid-priced hotels with decent reviews, not a bad plane ticket.

Then, I look up exactly where Amsterdam is because I'm American, making my world geography borderline sketchy. It's only a 4 hour train ride from Paris. I can't be that close to the Louvre and not go! (Especially after Lori's fab Paris post!) And, it seems I can afford about two days of mid-priced hotels in Paris. So, B and I put our heads together (By the way, we don't have any full weeks together for at least another year, or I'd invite him to this one bc it's awesome! But don't feel too sorry for him, he's spent a week in Paris and a SEMESTER in France!). In my budget (summer school teaching money, of course!), I could: fly to Paris, spend two nights soaking that up. Check out at least two or three sights, but mostly sit at cafes! Then, take the train to Amsterdam. Stay 3 or 4 nights at cute little hotel with great reviews, walk around forever. Stare at Van Gogh's work, soak up Anne Frank's beautiful energy...Go home.

But then I also thought: OR, I could just not teach summer school and have a STAYcation right here at home. I love staycations. Sometimes, a lack of schedule leaves me a little unmotivated, though. Hmmm....I have about 1 week to decide, because I think I'll buy my ticket the 1st week in Jan. Fish or cut bait, right? These are tough decisions. It's a hard knock life, Daddy Warbucks.

birding: don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Fo shizzle, yo. I've been b to the irding.

There is so a great blue heron in my back yard right now. It's huge! It's sitting on top of this dam that goes across the creek, just looking for dinner. And I still can't find my camera. I did log it in my bird book! Said bird book has 43" written beside the name great blue heron. I think this means wing span. Holy heck!

I see why old people like doing this! Give me some plaid polyester, a bird book and I'm good to go. My husband thinks he'll make a great old person; he wants to wear questionable hats and spend all morning drinking McDonald's coffee with his old man buddies. I think I might be even better! I want to be that lady who sits at rabble rousing political meetings knitting tea pot cozies (I actually do know this woman and do actually want to be her.). Then, I'll go home and "look at my birds."

This reminds me that I really want to check out the new Dallas Audobon center and also what is apparently the "largest urban hardwood forest in the country." I'm not clear on whether that's two different places or one giant nature extravaganza. Maybe if I write that down right here, I will see it and actually remember to go!

old movies + therapy

I like old movies. I treasure the idealism. Why not? It's a Wonderful Life. The Bishop's Wife. Shop Around the Corner. Old movies are like happy ending insurance. They're not going to mess with your mind like new movies try to do, with a surprise ambiguous ending or where somehow the couple doesn't get together. New movies will do crap like that, I think sometimes under the misconception that it adds an artistic element. I'm just saying, if you're at the end and your haven't made your artistic mark on a film yet, maybe you should try waiting tables. Anyways, for me the bottom line is that I'm a movie pragmatist; life is short, and I don't have time for a leisure activity to make me feel crappy for no good reason. Save it for therapy. They've got all the reality you want in there, and it's YOUR reality, not make-believe. Anyways, that's why I watched Roman Holiday for the first time today, to feel fuzzy. What the ****?!! Spoiler Alert: The ending is sobering! I have been under the misconception that all old films have a happily ever after ending. Seriously, there has been a crack in the fish bowl here. If there are any other *expletive* *expletive* old films with crappy endings that you know of, by all means send me an email!

Anyways, I still actually like today a lot. B is shadowing a dr and has our car. So, I picked up the house so I don't have to do the "quickly step outside and shut the door *&#*$&% fast" if anyone stops by. Made biscuits and gravy. With coffee. And o.j! After that, I made my own big fire! It might be my first fire by myself that wasn't one of those little logs that you buy for 4 bucks from target that say things on the bag like, "real crackling sounds!"

I hope to unpack a few boxes we've been trying to forget about. Turns out that doesn't really make them go away. I have this Sean Corn yoga dvd I truly love that has been MIA since we moved (4 months?). And, I'm considering figuring out how to catch the bus line to my gym. Remember the one I haven't been to yet but somehow feel skinnier just being a member?

I'm getting ready to start a new novel, I think. I've been wanting to really, really read Paulo Coelho. I liked what I read of 11 minutes, although, OMG, that book will mess with your head! I bought Veronika Decides To Die, which apparently "questions the meaning of madness and celebrates individuals who do not fit into patterns society considers to be normal." Sounds right up my alley, but so are a lot of the other unread novels on my shelf. I'm having a hard time with novels lately, which is my clue to myself that I'm a little stuck in a no-fun mode. I suspect this happens especially to other women sometimes, too, but I get stuck in this place where everything I do seems like it should have some kind of gain...I'm working, or thinking about work, or reading about work, or even reading about spiritual stuff, honestly...where is the part that is JUST for fun? Where is my camera? That's what I really want to know.

And, hopefully, I'll meditate. I'm good at this the days I work, I think because I get into a schedule and I know my time is shorter. Most days, B and I wake up early enough to eat a good breakfast and meditate for 20 to 30 minutes. We usually start by reading something out of Pema Chodron's book on Lojong. I don't really know what that is either, but the book is centering; you open to a random page each day to read an excerpt from "Lojong" teachings as well as Pema's interpretation. My favorite one right now is: "Be grateful to everyone." About this excerpt, Pema sayeth:

Others will always show you exactly where you are stuck. They say or do something and you automatically get hooked into a familiar way of reacting- shutting down, speeding up, or getting all worked up. When you react in the habitual way, with anger, greed, and so forth, it gives you a chance to see your patterns and work with them honestly and compassionately. Without others provoking you, you remain ignorant of your painful habits and cannot train in transforming them into the path of awakening.

Um, check, check, check and check.

you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave

Obviously, this is a picture of the land bridge that (probably?) connected Asia to North America. Before some glacier melting. Obviously.

It's Christmas break. I've been a blogging L to the oser. I can't find my camera. Still. If I happen to unpack that particular box soon, I'll take some pictures and actually be a blogger again. At least sort of. I need my camera, because I'm flat out of words. It's quite the mystery for someone who can be, er, a little bit wordy. I've been meditating super regularly, for 20-30 minutes a day. Is that where my words are going? Was writing my way of working through things or just organizing the thoughts, and meditating has taken it's place?

I'm feeling list-y, so...
1. It's Christmas break. We're working on our house. Hoping to: Finish painting kitchen (kitchy blue/white with pretty little anthropologie pulls I've yet to decide on), paint dining, hall, living room; finish working on this great old trunk I got (thanks Katrina!); work on our trail down to the creek; work on our back yard, trim some bushes, rake some leaves. This is my life now. I like it!
2. Speaking of, we are still loving our hood and our little house more and more. Thursday, we had a bunch of out-of-town relatives over, and my dad's family. B made spinach lasagna for nine people! So. Good.
3. B's dad is coming next week to help build a deck off of our (teeny) tiny sun room. I'm super excited. I get to hang out with B's mom, who likes to relax and have long conversations as much as I do!
4. We've gotten to know some neighbors a little more...or, more of them a little, really. We have almost all really fun and nice ones! I think we are still both a little shocked that we can actually see ourselves feeling totally at home in Dallas after secretly loathing it so much. Oak Cliff is where a lot of those people who you thought didn't live in Dallas and were missing have been! LOVE it!! Diverse. Real. Eclectic. Lots of funky restaurants, shops, taquerias (sp?), etc.
5. We went to KS during Thanksgiving. A new generation is kind of starting to form, with my generation of "kids" in the family starting to have babies. It's such a fun time, and we have all good babies! Hopefully, when B and I procreate, we won't be the ones to break that trend. Even though I am loving it here now, I really wish I had more time with the cousins (and cousin-aged aunts) that I grew up with.
6. There is a giant fire in our fireplace. Smells good!
7. You tube has made it possible for me to find that I have a nerdy love (passion?) for daytime t.v. Seriously, it's my last year in my 20's, and this is where I find myself. I seriously cannot wait to get home and see what happened on The View or Ellen. Okay, The View AND Ellen. Maybe it's a phase?
8. We joined a gym near our house. So, basically I'm skinnier and stronger already. Or, not, but at least I'm thinking about it. We still have a Bally's membership, &*#$ them to #%@@. It's like hotel california, joining that place.
9. Going to see the Nutcracker ballet on Christmas Eve. So excited.

maybe my longest blogger absence

Wow. I have not been around these parts for awhile. I have to admit, I haven't been writing OR reading. Usually, I at least keep up on my favorite reads...I have some major backtracking to do.

It has been a CRAZY year. As in school year. (Some of us still measure our lives in semesters.) New grade. New program. New resolution to be best math teacher ever. Recollection of desire for life balance. Scratch new resolution; just be a much better math teacher. Thank you, Mia, for the book. I have so not properly thanked you yet, except in the fact that I have really tried to put the book to use (I have a feeling you might appreciate this more anyways!), which I'll tell you more about later...I am not joking when I say it has REVOLUTIONIZED my thinking about primary mathematics instruction. I am a new woman. I am talking about this book!

Now, it is Thanksgiving break, and things have just recently started slowing down. Exhale. We are finally starting to work on the house a little (pictures coming), and also to get out into the world of 3 dimensional people a little more. We've been hitting what we call hippie church, and have very good intentions to go on walks in the neighborhood.

Since I was last here, I have been...

Honestly, I've mostly been teaching. And thinking about teaching. It's the new program and new grade thing...I hope next year I can feel what it feels like to do the same thing for two years. To be honest, I'm a person who does things better in spurts, but I've been working on my attention span, and I think I can do it! Seriously, I could go without the stress! I keep thinking that I cannot teach and have a baby at the same time, but I haven't even given myself a chance to see what teaching without a whole bunch of extra stuff and changes is like!

Eating good food. Really. And bad food, too. But lots of good food. B and I have been waking up and eating eggs and sweet potatoes cooked in olive oil every morning. Then, we read a passage from Pema and sit to meditate for 20 minutes. It is very balancing, and I have been much more 'present' at work, which is great, because what a waste to work with 6 year olds and not be present!

Working (or rather, giving very good suggestions to B) for how to feel super safe in our ghettoasis. For real, we hear gun shots almost every weekend now. We life in a great neighborhood, actually, full of pretty nice homes, but it's close enough to whatever seedy motel or wherever that we do hear them. Kind of a lot. When we call the police, the Cheers theme song plays. Coming from Little House on the Prairie, I just have to say, "um...are you kidding?" But to be honest, it's good for the soul. I feel like facing a reality that many of my students have faced, and just people in general, and just facing it only a tiny bit more than I did before, humbles me a little. Having said that, we have a super fab alarm system, and check out our peep hole! It's MAGIC! Thanks, B!


Oh, and seriously. I got a new president. Best one EVER!!!