Rocka Chakra

I just finished week one of a 9 week hot yoga challenge.  I'm loving it more than I can find the words for at almost 2 in the morning.  In only a week or so, I get my first yoga foundation bracelet, which is surprisingly exciting for me (and according to their illustration, I will have awoken the vag. chakra?).  I'm just so happy that my body is able to support me and make such a nice place for my spirit.  I don't know where all this is coming from, but I've just been overflowing with body gratitude as of late.  Things are just so great.  You know, I whined about not being able to run again, but look where it got me.  I would not have signed up for another shot at the hot yoga studio if it weren't for my running defeat.  And hot yoga is where I need to be right now.  I love it.  I'm so grateful.  I do not at all mind almost always being in the lowest percentile of yogic ability in the room full of Cirque de Soleil performers or a Free Willy stunt double compared to the Hollywood physique that finds it's way into that place; it's so about me and my body and spirit.  And you know what else- it's nice to frequent uptown again.  I had gotten to feeling like I lived far from uptown, which is really silly because it's something like a ten minute drive.  What is it with that river making you think you are driving farther than you are? 

In a couple of weeks, I'm headed to KC for a very good friend's wedding shower, we rented a whole giant bed and breakfast for girl time, extravaganza.  I'm in her wedding in Sept, and I forgive her for choosing satin dresses, which I'm wondering could be nicknamed cellulite spotlights.  Actually, the dresses are beautiful, and I think any fatty boomalattie spots can be treated with the undergarment of steel titanium I'll be donning.  I know.  Hot.  For serious, though, I'm so happy to be there for my friend after she was there for me and helped me survive my own wedding.  I was not the most "bride-y" of brides, but my bridesmaids/personal attendant who was more in a position of maid of honor, really- they knew how to do it, and they kept me sane.    I'm so excited!

Gerson therapy, modified, is just getting better and better.  I've been increasingly leaning more and more into the protocol for about four weeks, and the difference is just crazy.  Number one is just that dang juice.  I can't freakin' believe it.  Juice!!!  I love the whole Gerson thing, though.  I'm just now working on decreasing my salt because of the whole sodium/potassium ratio that is apparently integral to Gerson therapy; I wasn't sure I wanted to do that part, because of the sodium issues that are a part of low adrenal function- but I'm leaning into it.  Tonight, I had half of a baked potato with Greek Yogurt, sauteed garlic cloves and lemon juice for flavor.  It was so good.

I can never completely do any sort of protocal, like Gerson or raw food.  I'd like to do most of both of them at some point, I believe.  I'm too much of a foodie to go all the way, though.  It's my passion, food.  I could never live without having spinach crepes at Cafe Brazil or the Twig and Branch pizza at Bolsa...Street Side salad with garlic bread  and butter with truffle oil at Eno's...Sante Fe Omelette with a mimosa at Dream Cafe...Eggplant parm at Maggiano's...Sprinkle's cupcakes...Taco Diner's guacamole...all of the pretty cheeses and pastries at Whole Foods...

I.  Love.  Food.

When I look back at my misery posts of exhaustion over the past year (and probably three to five years, if we look really closely), I feel so grateful for how much more human, alive, I feel today. As these things often play out, I did not realize how poorly off I was until things much improved. Today, I'm sleeping through the nights, drinking tea instead of coffee, eating about three heads of vitamin-rich romaine in the form of fresh, fiberless juices, eating much more of my food raw, exercising regularly, going to hot yoga almost every day. Thrilled is not even the word for it; there should be a better word. My energy and clarity is through the roof compared to even a few short months ago. I feel so much gratitude to my body for responding to natural, albeit somewhat extreme, measures. I'm losing that weight that sickness brought on, and I can hear my body so much more clearly. I can sense situations I like and don't like much more clearly. I'm getting out. Me! I had all but fallen from the face of the earth, and now here I am getting out!

In a weekish, I'm back to work. I was terrified to go back, for fear I would lose all of my progress. Now, I'm actually starting to look forward to it. Can you believe that? In the middle of last year, I cut down my extra hours drastically. This year, I'm doing it again by taking a break from the leadership team. Bittersweet to miss out on some inspired and creative thinkers, but I know it's the right decision to keep looking toward health. I know it's right because I can feel that it's right. I'm feeling more than thinking, something I have often shut off in favor long pro + con lists.

Yesterday, I had not slept enough and did not drink much juice. I went to breakfast with a friend (hi!), one of those people that you always feel better after hanging around, instead of depleted as with some folks. After that, a colleague met me to talk teacher shop, and we ended up talking more about her struggles- it's one of those relationships I struggle to balance in the way that some people are kind of always in a drama, but one that I see lots of absolute greatness in, too. I just found that when I was so exhausted, I sat in this conversation, let all reciprocity go out the window and basically signed up to be depleted and further depleted (not her fault! all mine!!!). It really showed me (1) how good health and decisions lead to more good health and decisions, and also (2) reminded me that the fuzzy, exhausted place I was in was the place I used to be in all the time. And I want to go back and hug that me who was going through that.

And although I do believe the words of Byron Katie, "When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want," I'm so grateful that where I am right now is so hopeful and peaceful and full of life. I mean, I'm so grateful.

When I left, I thought of how my body had been working so hard for me, and how I let her down that day. I drank one green juice after another + ordered in a giant, healthy salad from Eno's while I rested, napped and watched The Philadelphia Story.

you see me rollin'

"We have to be focused when we makes the cake."

To be fair, it is a famous cake. And, if we're being honest, not my first time to be asked to focus. In January we finally made time, and B's mom carefully guided two rookies through each step, sub-step, and teeny tiny baby sub step of the family cherished + aptly famed chocolate roll recipe. B's grandmother debuted famous-cake years before; then, B's dad and mom, being an engineer and slight perfectionist, respectively, added an endearing if not slightly overwhelming set of sub-steps. Let no man put asunder.

chicken wire + great grandpa's (now grandpa's) vegetable garden.

My camera is in some eternal error mode, which is sad because it is summer and I'd like to be taking pictures all the time. If you have the Canon Rebel, and you know what to do when it gives the error message that says it can't shoot but to try turning the camera on and off, please enlighten me.

Today, with Transcendental Meditation teachers to "check in"; they are so helpful and patient with all of the rookie questions.

Then, to watch "The Ugly Truth," where I deftly avoided peeing on myself, it was so funny.

does it work?

Trying to figure out how to upload bigger pictures into blogger.  Let's see how much more I like this photo when it's giant.

Okay, so it cut the picture in half. Dang. But it is big, so I guess that's progress.  

Update:  I figured it out!  I'm so happy.

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray." ~Rumi

juicy

I looove Jennifer Weiner's books. If I didn't already enjoy that they are easy reads about unconventional women, I'd read them for the decadent food descriptions. Hands down, I'm a foodie. Meal chronicles such as, "garlic and white-bean puree with truffle oil" tap into my best foodie instincts, and I'm ready to savour some words.

Literature + bubble bath = ooh. But how about some juice with that? Carrot juice with apple. Thank you Super Angel (pretty, pretty princess) juicer! Yesterday was my biggest juicing day yet with five whole juices, four of which were green.

And did I mention I'm caffeine free for something like seven days? I have recently heard caffeine dependency described as living off of credit: If you don't pay it back, your account suffers because you are essentially living off of a facade. Er, I think I get it. I may not even be a person who can have an occasional caffeine drink; it's indelibly easy for me to slip into the routine of using it to elevate my energy so I can do more. Do more! Do more! For example, right now I feel a little tired. In (seven) days gone by, this means I'd get some coffee, a whole jittery pot; since I'm not running to pour a cup, I have some foresight and think about the fact I slept 6 hours last night instead of 7 or 8. I need a nap, not a coffee. Naps are sustainable (yes they are); coffee is not sustainable in that capacity. Right. I don’t want it anyways. Yes I do. No I don’t.

Let's talk about all of the nutrition I had yesterday! Juice, man. I meant it when I said I was done with this sickness crap- and then with B’s mom and my mom both getting lymphoma in the same breath- it’s to much. So, my answer, or part of it: juice. Four green’s yesterday, and one carrot. That's about an entire head of romaine lettuce- those are huge! Also, a green pepper, three whole organic carrots and one green apple. And that's just for my juice! I ate food, too. And since I’m trying to shrink my arse, now that I know that every extra pound of fat is extra hormones your body has to regulate, I made sure to stay in my little calorie range. Iphones have a good app for this, called “Lose It.”

Where is she getting all of this energy, you ask? Something that's making an heavy impact is that B and I went to Austin to learn Transcendental Meditation. I had been considering it for a year or so, and once Bruce learned about all of the studies on TM, he wanted in too. I'm finding my meditation has improved HUGELY. I mean, I cannot even tell you how much better it is- life changing better. My perspective has just shifted in these past seven days that I’ve been practicing...I have more of a sense of the commonality we share. That's right, you and me. We are s to the ame.*

*I’m willing to hold nerdy white girl gangsta talk coaching sessions, but they are e to the xtra.