When I look back at my misery posts of exhaustion over the past year (and probably three to five years, if we look really closely), I feel so grateful for how much more human, alive, I feel today. As these things often play out, I did not realize how poorly off I was until things much improved. Today, I'm sleeping through the nights, drinking tea instead of coffee, eating about three heads of vitamin-rich romaine in the form of fresh, fiberless juices, eating much more of my food raw, exercising regularly, going to hot yoga almost every day. Thrilled is not even the word for it; there should be a better word. My energy and clarity is through the roof compared to even a few short months ago. I feel so much gratitude to my body for responding to natural, albeit somewhat extreme, measures. I'm losing that weight that sickness brought on, and I can hear my body so much more clearly. I can sense situations I like and don't like much more clearly. I'm getting out. Me! I had all but fallen from the face of the earth, and now here I am getting out!

In a weekish, I'm back to work. I was terrified to go back, for fear I would lose all of my progress. Now, I'm actually starting to look forward to it. Can you believe that? In the middle of last year, I cut down my extra hours drastically. This year, I'm doing it again by taking a break from the leadership team. Bittersweet to miss out on some inspired and creative thinkers, but I know it's the right decision to keep looking toward health. I know it's right because I can feel that it's right. I'm feeling more than thinking, something I have often shut off in favor long pro + con lists.

Yesterday, I had not slept enough and did not drink much juice. I went to breakfast with a friend (hi!), one of those people that you always feel better after hanging around, instead of depleted as with some folks. After that, a colleague met me to talk teacher shop, and we ended up talking more about her struggles- it's one of those relationships I struggle to balance in the way that some people are kind of always in a drama, but one that I see lots of absolute greatness in, too. I just found that when I was so exhausted, I sat in this conversation, let all reciprocity go out the window and basically signed up to be depleted and further depleted (not her fault! all mine!!!). It really showed me (1) how good health and decisions lead to more good health and decisions, and also (2) reminded me that the fuzzy, exhausted place I was in was the place I used to be in all the time. And I want to go back and hug that me who was going through that.

And although I do believe the words of Byron Katie, "When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want," I'm so grateful that where I am right now is so hopeful and peaceful and full of life. I mean, I'm so grateful.

When I left, I thought of how my body had been working so hard for me, and how I let her down that day. I drank one green juice after another + ordered in a giant, healthy salad from Eno's while I rested, napped and watched The Philadelphia Story.