electrolytes, underpants, apartment police

Yin and yang. The good side of the balance is that hot yoga has been going quite well! Not only can I totally make it through a class now without symptoms of heat exaustion, but the other day I did two! That's three hours of hot yoga, people! In between, I got almost a 2 hour break and a shower, but I'm hoping to be fit enough to be able to do back-to-back classes, b/c I won't have as much time for yoga once I go back to work and start my master's. I think how much better I'm doing now has something to do with being a little more fit, being more acclimated to the heat, and also that I've started drinking electrolytes during class.

Yang? I decided to delete that.

the very little I know.

I still have not wrapped my brain around this, which is why I haven't mentioned it. It is also why this will probably be short. A boy from my school died a highly publicized death last week. I did not teach him; we are a small urban middle school, though (an old building, built when middle schools were kept smaller), so everyone seems to know everyone somehow and the effects of tradgedy permeate. He died in a flood, and according to the news, as his parents and siblings watched helplessly. When my husband told me the news, the area of town where a boy had lost his life, my heart began to race. I signed into my work email for the first time this summer, selfishly pleading that it not be from my school, and especially not one of mine. Selfish, yes, but this was my auto reaction. And, when it sunk in that the child wasn't mine, I of course felt no better. Maybe because he his mine; we are all eachother's. I cannot imagine the loss felt by his family, his friends and even his teachers. Teachers love their kids fiercely; I wasn't always even aware of how strongly I felt about my students until something tapped into that well. The humbling moments. The moments that were sweet from the beginning. I remember the last day of classes, the dark cloud that floated over my lonely, child-less room...it hit me, quite suddenly, all of the times that I was not really "there," that my eyes didn't light up, that I didn't get how lucky I was (am). I guess that is what I have to offer now, which seems trite in comparison to what a family in my school community is going through...Of the little control I have, may I renew my view, my appreciation, my compassion for my students. For all people. May I see them in their best light. That is all I know for now. Peace.

Que Sarah, Sarah (link)

I've been following Sarah for about a year. Melanoma recently took her life, and I haven't really known what to say. I didn't know her well, but read her devoutely and with emotion.

If you read the comments on her blog from her husband's last post, you'll see that many people have a similar angle; it's amazing how we can be touched by someone we don't really know.

Today is her funeral, or better, a celebration of her life. If you haven't already, stop by her blog and read it start to finish. She is an inspiration. Obituary below.


Sarah Lynne Toller, age 30, beloved wife of Derek Kaskiw, lived her life to the full until Tuesday, June 12, 2007. Sarah is lovingly missed by her mother Pat Best and her husband Dave Best of Kingston; her father John Toller and brother Bryan Toller, both of London; grandparents Hall Snell of Kingston and Norah Toller of Ottawa; uncle Tony Snell and family of Richmond Hill, aunts Lynne Greene of Toronto and Cindy Snell of Montreal and their families. Sarah is also fondly remembered by her in-laws Garry and Elke Kaskiw and their entire family. Friends may call on Friday, June 22 from 7-9 p.m. at the James A. Harris Funeral Home, 220 St. James St. at Richmond, where a celebration of Sarah’s life will be held on Saturday, June 23 at 2:00 p.m. Visitation will also take place on Saturday, June 23 from 1:00 p.m. until 2:00 p.m. Cremation with interment later in London. A memorial donation to any of the following will be greatly appreciated: Canadian Melanoma Foundation, Canadian Cancer Society, Wellspring (London). Many thanks to Drs. Logan, Engel, Moulin and Gilchrist at LRCP, and Drs Schreier and Shetty and the Palliative Care team at Victoria Hospital for their honest and compassionate care. Thanks also to Kelly Stocks, RN, at ComCare for her kind and gentle home care. Special thanks to Tina Plat-Dekoter, Social Worker, LRCP, who journeyed with Sarah and Derek from the beginning and was always there to help when and where needed most.

Que Sera Sera, Que Sarah Sarah

foshizzy

I hate myself for this a little bit. But it kills me. So funny.

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nostalgia, smosmalgia

"We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. "

~Art Buchwald

karma.

I used to cut friendships off left and right, dismissing current friends and looking for new, more perfect friends for me. I'm one of those people who took the "Toxic Relationships" episode of Oprah WAY too seriously. Let's just say that I think karma may have found me....My picture album includes a lot of people who I thought of as a near best friend at once, who I eventually cut off, at least to some degree....The book could be titled, "My half-a## Attempts." More on that later.

Page one: The Needy-A## Takers

Everyone has met a needy-a## taker. Maybe you are on. Historically, I am a needy-a##-taker magnet. Now, if you think that says something about me, you're probably right. Needy-a## takers are frequently photographed next to "I-need-to-help-others-to-feel-worthy-ers." Needy-a##-takers, be aware, I will no longer enable yo' needy a##. Anyways, what usually happened here is that I ended up in some therapist-esque role in which things weren't at all reciprocal. A lot of talk about them and their ruminations, and very little talk about me and mine. Enter late night phone calls. Enter a new crisis. Enter another new crisis. And another...and I gave...and gave...and gave..and then I was absolutely exausted, and I mean beat, and I would disappear.

Page two: "No connection." (Translation: usually morally or politically inferior in some way)

I ran into a lot of "no connection" friends after I started avoiding needy-a##-takers like the plague. I have a lot of pictures with these friends, because it often seemed like we did have a connection, sometimes even for a long time. Soon, it was easy to find others morally and politically unsatisifying. I didn't see myself as judgemental; I just saw myself as not wanting to be around people who did not have similar values. I remember sharing 300 sq foot with a person and two animals, buying all my clothes at thrift stores...judging my friends for their weaknesses (the ones I didn't share), for their materialism, for their microderm abrasion when I knew they couldn't afford it, for caring too much about makeup, for not being into buying thrift store clothes, not recycling, not voting. I thought of myself as all-supporting, all-loving because of my minimalism and my politics, but I was hiding behind some sort of self-righteousness, I think. Why?

I believe that we are ALL connected, and that we need to see these connections, even in those who seem different. Do I still know needy-a##-takers? Yes. But, now I know boundaries, too, and there are people who I have rewarding friendships with now that I could not have managed being friends with before. Not that I would spend lots of time with people who I don't have fun with or who don't want to talk about what I want to talk about. And, I'm sure there are times when cutting off truly is necessary.

So, I'd like to ceremoniously shut the cover of my photo album of "Half A## Attempts," and start a new book, the book of "Namaste," maybe..."The divine in me acknowledges the divine that is in you."

a day for good news.

(photo taken by me in Costa Rica. It is a hot spring, heated by the Arenal volcano. Most. Soothing. Place. Ever.)

Kahlil Gibran: (from the Prophet)

...When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer
in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is
clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the
deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its
own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and
only the unprofitable is caught.

...And in the sweetness of friendship let there be
laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its
morning and is refreshed.