if i could be wasting my time with you

Two years ago today, we were here, honeymooning in Costa Rica. Also known as future home. Really. Two years ago yesterday, we barely remember because it went so fast. Ah, weddings. Sometime I'll tell you about how someone started with a toast about how when B met me I swore I would never give in to the social construct of marriage, which is true. Well, true that I said that. Obviously I gave in. And, it has been great. I believe our relationship would have been great marriage or no marriage; however, there is something good and unanticipated that comes with the committment, and I'm not even sure if I can put it into words.

First of all, let's just get something out of the way: B and I danced to Phish's "Waste" for our wedding dance. Not exactly the usual timeless choice, I know. Go ahead and make fun; I'd do it too. Honestly, though, it was fitting. Here are some moments (good and bad) we have happily "wasted" together since we made it official...
...getting married at my favorite place: grandma's pond
...our labrador's debut as a groomsman (although B secretly considers him best man)
...Relaxing in the hot springs of La Fortuna, Costa Rica; relaxing rivers and streams heated by the Arenal Volcano
...Zip lining through the rainforest!
...protesting the war & the state marriage amendment together (which means being flipped off by people with pickup trucks together)
...B joined me in vegetarianism...I did NOT coerce him, promise.
...B making it through the MCAT (and scoring above 90th percentile!!!). We both deserve a high five for making it through this, as he turned into a mad scientist for several weeks. He thought only in math and science, which is not very romantic. Also, I don't believe he showered quite frequently enough.
...moving to Dallas, and spending HOURS and HOURS sitting outside in the terrace, relaxing.
...Spending time with my little bro and B together. My little bro LOVES B and even follows him around in his wheelchair some.
...Making it through my first year teaching
...Becoming members of a hot yoga studio
...Studying family systems together, which has done worlds for our relationship!
...Studying Buddhism together, which has done worlds for our spirits.

When I look back over our past, most of the exciting things we've done were before we got married, like white water rafting and ski trips with best friends...my first trip to New York...camping for two weeks in Austin and San Antonio...canoing, kayaking, rock climbing, etc, etc...but really, just like with friendships, the best times are the little times. With my friends, that has usually meant just hours and hours in coffee houses or at lunch. With B, it's the dinners that we make together, our secret shame of going out to eat, and the ability to sit at a book store for an ungodly number of hours.

And now, we approach a couple more life changes. Next week, B starts medical school. We are both excited and yet a little afraid. It is one of those things in which you pretty much know that you'll be fine, but wonder, "what if?" In a way, we feel like we're saying goodbye for awhile, and it's sad. We're soaking one another up this week; we've decared this week "vacation at home." I know there are bigger problems in the world, but in our little corner (rincon pequeno, you see, my spanish is getting better!), this is the thought of the day. Our relationship has grown leaps and bounds in the past six months, even, and I think we've come to both appreciate how blessed we feel to share something so special. It is not all scary; I've got plenty to keep me busy. I'll have a new job (more on that later, still teaching! It's good news.), and am working on my master's (I got in to the Master's of Social Work program, yeah). I'm going to visit a best friend in New Jersey in a couple of weeks...and, I keep saying I'll get more involved with local politics/activism. I've already found a local organization I love (see Central Dallas Ministries link!); I just need to get started. Maybe I can finally show Barack how much I love him, too. B and I have lots of ideas for how we'll safeguard our relationship during the next eight (yes, eight!) years of craziness. We know we'll be okay, but we also know we'll miss eachother.

This moment (below) is important to me for other reasons. Although I was not your typical bride and honestly felt a little coerced (although I did end up having the best day!) into the whole traditional wedding thing by my VERY excited mother (and believe it or not, my husband, who later changed his mind and tried to go back in time to elope), I did have a little wedding stressor, which was that the tent guy forgot the sides to the little tent. This is actually sort of an important tent, b/c it's where you're supposed to hang out with your wedding party until you walk down the isle. My girlfriends/bridesmaids and a couple of special cousins actually constructed some sides out of tulle and clothes pins. Then, they surprised me with mimosas (I had mentioned in passing I could use one- like I said, not a good bride. Then, they went around a circle making individual toasts. I get goose bumps thinking about it... I make AMAZING friends. Amazing.

And I know you're dying for the lyrics to Waste...

Dont want to be an actor pretending on the stage
Dont want to be a writer with my thoughts out on the page
Dont want to be a painter cause everyone comes to look
Dont want to be anything where my lifes an open book

A dream its true
But Id see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you

Dont want to be a farmer working in the sun
Dont want to be an outlaw always on the run
Dont want to be a climber reaching for the top
Dont want to be anything where I dont know when to stop

A dream its true
But Id see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you

So if Im inside your head
Dont believe what you might have read
Youll see what I might have said
To hear it

Come waste your time with me
Come waste your time with me

So if Im inside your head
Dont believe what you might have read
Youll see what I might have said
To hear it

Come waste your time with me

When I dip, you dip, we dip.

Here are some little green flowers that lived on my table for awhile. I like to keep fresh flowers around, and my favorite flowers are casa blanca lillies. About a month ago, I found out that these are *DEADLY* to cats. You know, I remember that friends episode where Phoebe mentions this, but I just thought it was one of those random things Phoebe would say...turns out I am very nearly a cat killer. So, here are my new flowers. Actually, they are dead now, and I am on to some pretty greenish roses. Anyways, I had to photo shop it a little, because I took the pix from far away, and it was grainy when I brought it close up.

I have been tagged by Draco to say 7 quirky things about myself. I've already done this 'tag' in the past, but I think I have enough quirky things to go around, so here are 7 MORE quirky things about moi:

1. To me, animals are just as important as people. I know this screams in the face of many religions that say human life is sacred above all others, but it is the way I feel, that ALL life is sacred. I think we are monkeys...but I love monkeys, so take it as a complement. The picture is of my cat looking human, with a book page (not sure which book, either something Buddhism or something Family Systems) and a soy chai latte (which my husband taught me to make...yum!).
2. I am addicted, and I mean addicted to watching Friends dvd's. My friend JoAnne watches them in order, but I just get stuck on one dvd for awhile, and then move on to another. I wish all of my friends lived in my apartment building and that we didn't work regular work weeks so that we could drink coffee together all day.
3. When I am over the top stressed about work, I sit my mini-dvd player on the side of the bath tub and watch "You've Got Mail" while I drink hot tea and soak it all away.
4. I love to listen to Bach but not Mozart...Mozart feels stressy to me, but Bach seems calming & centering.
5. I seem to constantly crave vinegar...I love salt and vinegar chips, vegetarian buffalo wings (b/c of the vinegar in the sauce), and I love to put tons of vinegar in my chili. Last week, I made chili just so I could eat some vinegar.
6. Sometimes I wake up in the morning to this "spooning pattern," listed from outside to inside: Husband, me, dog, cat. I feel like I have so much love in my home and sometimes can't even believe how lucky we all are for all of this peace. My dog is cuddling with me right now. :)
7. I have an unbelievably short attention span, although I've worked hard to extend it. I used to fall asleep at movies, b/c it was just too long to maintain my attention. I've overcome it, but I still don't have the attention stamina for bowling....I think there should be something like speed bowling for people like me, where you play 5 frames, then go play a game of skee ball, then have a beer w/ interesting conversation, then maybe the other 5 frames. Long conversations always hold my attention, though. My friend Candice and I use to sit for four or five hours at the coffee shop having all kind of scandalous conversations. I miss that. I feel like it is harder to find people willing to slow down here in Dallas; everyone seems on their way to something. Also related, I can't read just one book at a time: always at least 3.

I tag anyone who feels like it.

are you ready for cheesy?

I read today that if you were to open a cocoon, you would pretty much just find ugly mush inside; isn't that weird? I like it, though. I feel kind of like mush now, not mush as in despondent or hopeless, just as in some things are more fuzzy, less clearly-defined, which is okay...but, I really believe the outcome will be better than- oh God the annoyingness of this metaphor- being a caterpillar. Change is always a little scary, but tell me it isn't better to fly than to be a catterpillar? And, here's a picture of a moth I made friends with at the creek.

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

(walk way by my house, what the ants see maybe)

9/07/08: This used to be a fabulous, yet personal post! Thanks to my little blogger friends for helping me work through it. Removed from site, because I have "the fear!" :)

self-portrait challenge: elements

July's self-portrait challenge is elements. July is the first month I've participated in self portrait challenge. The above photo is of me, reflected in water.

The element which brings me solace is water. My most vivid memories of water are of the quaint, still pond at my grandmother's rural home on the Kansas plains. Like a lot of rural families, we lived on her property, so I guess it was my back yard, too. My mom worked nights, and being in the country (with no friends near by) meant a lot (and I mean A LOT) of alone time for me. I came to find so much solace in this time, and in a way it became my very best friend and still is. Much of this time was spent sitting out on the dock, teasing the water with my dangling legs. Swimming with my cousins + aunts, fishing for dinner (yes, I kow how to clean a cat fish, but I don't know if I'd have the stamina for it now), laying on the sand, setting up a slip-n-slide from the top of the bank down into the water, swimming with my dog, making out with my high school boyfriend...It is my favorite place in the world. I got married there. I've told my husband that I'd like my ashes there, if I should go first. To me, the pond, water, represent solitude...and solitude is where I've found the answer for almost every question I've ever had. I don't have a pond in my yard now, but I love to sit by a fountain in our building courtyard and write in my journal. When I take the time, I love to sit by the creek near our house, my journal and my dog.

at the dam

Here is a picture of a crane that I took at the dam near my house. Had a little too much fun with photo shop; looks a little scary now. :)

inspire me thursday: light

I've been meaning to participate in Inspire Me Thursday for a long time. Now, I've had so much fun with the camera that I can't decide what photo to submit for this week's topic: light.

Today, I took this photo this afternoon while hanging outside with my dog. I chose this photo above the others I was considering because it had the most pleasing look sans photo shop. I like the way the light plays off of the water droplets.

Wanna be inspired? Go to www.inspiremethursday.com