random rambling...

As usual, I'm hard at work on an education project... (I'm assuming that I will never use it, although it would be nice if some of these things actually will go into use one day.) I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm in an unusual program where one works on their Master's while they are completing their bachelor's...So, oddly enough, I will graduate with my master's one semester after my bachelor's...(Yes, this is a large, accredited university--with a ranked program..not internet college or something) The reason for the existence of this program is that a master's degree is required to teach sp. ed. in my state, but there is also a large teacher shortage for sp. ed....The reeeaaally cool thing is that I pay undergrad. prices for almost all of my grad. classes...the bad thing is that I do a lot of practicum experiences, etc., that I might have been able to get paid for anyways, had I just gone into teaching regular ed. first--which I would be doing right now, had I not taken the odd route...Plus, it's always weird to tell my family at holidays that I technically don't have my bachelor's degree yet, even though I have about half of a master's...:)--Perfectionist, kick-my-own-butt-me, of course, wants to complete every imaginable class available before possibility of jacking up any other human beings.

I say all this to mention that I think that, aside from my sp. ed. classes, teacher education is much like a religious cult....at least at the land from which I hail...Please excuse me while I go pray to the dean of elementary education...Really, though, it is absolutely maddening. There is just no room for personal space whatsoever.--Also...education, I love...however, I am frequently told of my need to be an upstanding example in my community, so that the people who see me out will not think poorly of a teacher...Holy cow, that drives me crazy...I will be an example of what IIIIIIIIIIIIII think is exemplary, however, if we apply the faye rule of thumb, we will see that my example of anything is usually not consistant with that of the norm...That's just me.

Hopefully, the "real world" will not be as cultish as the experience in which I currently take part.

Yesterday was my little brother's birthday...He has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, so we didn't talk...but, I'm going to Dallas to visit him in two weeks. :)

get over it

Are the Gods of morning punishing me for living in sin, or what? Again, my fiance has woken up in a state of morning dumbness and turned off MY ALARM CLOCK! I cannot tell you how absolutely maddening this is. It makes me into a crazed urber-psycho-creature that very few people have only heard of, never seen.

First, my professors have convinced me that should a teacher ever be late, they will certainly be fired on the spot. And whether aI believe that or not, it's just that I need a routine....I'm sort of a failed perfectionist (if you will...not that I recommend it)--so, in the morning, when I have my routine in mind, if it get's jacked up, I just feel that I've started my day all wrong.--like it's ruined.--or, maybe it's more than that... Okay, it's this. For such a loooooooong time, it has been a definite goal of mine to work out in the a.m.--Due to teachery practicum stuff, it really does have to be early if I'm going to do it in the morning.

I used to live alone in the cutest loft studio ever, and I would wake up early every morning, slowly sipping tea with milk, writing in my journal. I enjoyed being up before most of the world around me....I guess what I want now is that plus a little fitness, and when I get neither, and it's totally out of my control, I find that a litttle maddening.

Click below for a funny. Make sure to read the text-I'm a geek. It just struck me as funny.

Lyzardly: "

ramble number five.

I was just backtracking through Mia's blog. I came to her Aug. 27th post and thought that I would respond to that. I would love to link to that page, but I'm a computer ass, so you'll just have to use the link that I have to her site and find Aug. 27 for yourself. :)

I remember watching the movie "The Truth About Cats and Dogs," of all movies...but, one of my favorite parts was when one of the characters said something to the effect of, "Our faces are just shapes. It is not that one is beautiful and that the other is not. They are just different shapes." That was a VERY loose paraphrase, by the way.

Why do we, as women, let ourselves be reduced to hopes of airbrushed model Barbie look-alikes? Why do we secretly hate ourselves for not fitting into this unrealistic image? Most of all, how do we avoid perpetuating this problem with our young girls? My sister is 7, and my parents bought her professional highlights--Her friends thought she was lucky, but I feel so sorry for her...what a young age to learn that you are not good enough just as yourself?

This is one of the reasons I'm in the field of Education.

Here's a poem by a famous poet who speaks out on issues of feminism. There is also some other info. on body image, etc. Again, I'm a computer-ass, so I don't really know how to post links.

Barbie Doll
By Marge Piercy

This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.
She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.

She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.

In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker's cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn't she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.

number four?

Well, I’m off to exercise in about two minutes, so I’ll make this short. Great morning, here. I’m such a happy girl when I wake early... Well, once I get up, that is. Today, I’m planning for a 20-minute lower body workout and then 40 minutes of good cardio... and I shall have a hotty body by 8 a.m.! (if only it worked like that!)

On a freakishly happy note, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday, and all the Christmas shit is out...For someone who is not religious, I just cannot tell you how much I just love the holidays. My fiance is Jewish, as I have mentioned...For our cards, I'm taking a little pix. of Preston (our famous Lab.--ok, famous to me)--one with a Santa Hat and one with a Yarmulke (for all Gentiles out there, if I phonetically spelled this word, it would be Ya-Mu-Kah...there we go). I'm going to paste the two little square black & white photos on the card, and underneath them, it will just say "Happy Holidays." Oh--and for those of you who don't have a Jewish boyfriend, I get to have Chanukah AND Christmas, and you-ooh dont! :) The real victim here is the dog. Oh, and I don't usually actually follow through on stuff like this. But, ah, the intentions...

ramble number three.

Didn’t ramble yesterday...Well, not on a blog, at least. I sat most of the day out sick. I actually think I caught it online, as all of you whose blogs I’m reading seem to be sick as well.

Feeling sort of crabby and behind on some responsibilities...how trying. It’s amazing how much being behind on one thing can cause distress...which, then causes me to fall behind on something else...when then brings about shoddier feelings...which then cause me to fall behind on yet something else. And then what is there to do but eat some cake? Cycle schmycle.

I’m planning a wedding. My wedding. It’s not until July, but in the freaky and messed up world of Brides to Be, this isn’t long at all. First, let me say that I am the least “bride” of all brides...Marriage, I'm for, especially marriage to B. I’m just not an "all eyes on me" person; however I folded at the sound of motherly pleas ...So, the good news is that I’m finally ironing out some of the details...which makes me feel that I have things under control much more...which makes me happy. I have to admit that some of it is actually fun...like the fact that we’re getting married outside...We don’t know who’s going to officiate, however. He was raised Jewish and I was raised Christian, but neither of us see a lot of use for any major organized religion in our lives. —Also, for us, that would be an individual rather than a couple decision. So, it’s a secular ceremony...Spiritual, yes...Religious, not so much...Short and to the point, ABSOLUTELY!

In an unrelated story, I volunteer for the organization Big Brothers, Big Sisters. For about two and a half years, I’ve had the same “little.” She’s 13 now—I’m pretty honest with her that middle school is a pretty big dip in the road of life...I think she agrees....but, I’m not so sure she totally believes me that it does get better. I would absolutely freak out if I had to go back to that time period in my life. How miserable. Anyways, I mention my little to say that, all of a sudden, her mom has decided to move the family really far away...More than a day’s drive! I’m so sad! The worst part is I am in such a busy time for the next month or so, and so I just don’t have any time to do a lot of extra special things with her before she leaves. I hope she will be ok there.—We are planning on keeping in touch, and, hopefully, she’ll be able to spend a little time with me over the summer.