this is my brother. today is his birthday. i just remembered this a couple of hours ago, but that is o.k. because he does not know it is his birthday. he has cerebral palsy. he's non-communicative (traditionally speaking, that is) and he lives in dallas, so i can't just call him up or send him a letter that he will know is from me. Few things in life have confused me so much as being "the o.k. one." "Survivor's guilt for a disabled or sick sibling can be truly unbelievable; at least it is not unbearable anymore, though. i try to remember that god is probably smarter than me, and that for me to walk around miserable and feeling sorry for my brother means that i assume i have something that he does not...which is pretty presumptuous. i can only hope that the secret universe inside his head is bright and wonderful beyond the limitations of the tangible world that i reside in.solitude, i guess.
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. ~Henry David Thoreau, "Solitude," Walden, 1854
Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up. ~Pearl Buck
Happy birthday, Tyler!
ReplyDeleteIt's really interesting what you say about survivor's guilt. I suppose part of that is wanting to take on the other person's burden while at the same time feeling relieved to not have it, too.
Life is mysterious. Sometimes you just have to give up figuring it out. What I like about you, though, Ms. Faye, is that you care about being a thoughtful person.
Thanks for the quotes!
That's a beautiful picture, Faye! Perhaps he knows a secret about true happiness?
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