and the beat goes on...

cnn article

All this has somehow made me realize I must put up my Christmas tree right away.

It was just too much today

http://www.tradingmarkets.com/.site/news/Stock%20News/1949334/

I should feel relieved, and of course I am relieved, but my relief is hidden somewhere in the back of my mind. All I can think of are the tears that fell today, from passionate, effective teachers...from kids who took a chance on loving their teacher...More than ever, now I feel like I never want to leave the children of this community, wondering how to take part in seeing that this insanity stops stripping passion and livelihood from innocent teachers, children, administrators, and our community.


What Carla Ranger (a favorite school board trustee) posted on her blog today, says it best:

Teachers Pay The Price
Today hundreds of teachers will be released.

Will this be done with dignity?

There is a crisis of public confidence.

Something is very wrongheaded at Dallas ISD.

This will not be corrected by releasing hundreds of teachers to relieve the latest financial chaos.

The problem will not be corrected by covering up the very serious financial mismanagement.

It cannot be undone by deception or solved by CEOs.

Dallas ISD has a spreading disease that has infected the institution with wrongheadedness.

It will not soon go away.

Someday, some way the Dallas Public School System must be reclaimed as an institution of integrity.

It will start with a Superintendent of Public Education who would like to be a servant leader of a public institution.

It will end with a Board truly committed to public service - not wrongheaded private agendas and unethical service.

Until then we say goodbye to the good teachers and staff who now pay the price.

May your lives be blessed in spite of the unjust price you now pay for the mistakes of others.

Thank you for your service.

We hope your loss will not be in vain.

i'm tired

That's it.

I'll come back, but not until I have slept.

so i try not to talk too much about work, but...

Today at work, of course, we remembered 9/11.

I happened to be reading a story to my kids at the carpet when the rememberance announcement came over the intercom. As I listened, I closed the silly big book onto my lap and looked out over the faces of 15 six-year-olds. A little surprised they seemed to "get" that this really was a moment to be still, I wondered if any of their parents had told them what it was all about. I thought about how they were born into a totally different world than was I. That blows my mind a little. Do they know what they're missing? Or, do they have more somehow? Do they notice me looking at them in a different way during this announcement, as if I'm trying to peak into their futures- their childhood dreams?

I don't know why she did it, but when I returned my glance to the row right in front of me, a litle girl had her hands folded together and eyes closed, whispering a prayer as if she were the only one in the room.

Another day, another lesson in humility.

Another reason to be present, to let go of the complaints, the frustrations when they don't learn fast enough or when I feel too tired to show up for them. Another reason to remember how I really feel about the fact I get to spend my days with children.

oasis in the ghetto

Here is a camera phone picture of B sitting on top of the dam in our back yard. We finally made the trek all the way down there. It is WAY down, and covered with ivy. And spider webs. Yes, big spiders in their shiny, dewy webs. I grew a little today. When we got to the bottom, we just loved seeing the creek close up. There are fish and everything! I don't mean to be flaky, but do you remember when I started saying that I just wanted to be surrounded by nature preserve-y-ness? Then, I accepted where I was and decided, "bloom where you are planted." I began to feel (force at first) gratitude for the parts of Dallas that do happen to jive with me (like Oak Cliff, the school I teach at, that I found out we have the largest urban hardwood forest in the nation...) From setting that intention to be surrounded in nature, though, everything just fast tracked, and now here we are. We are in the shadow of downtown (which we love to be close to), just SURROUNDED in georgous nature. Nobody lives to our right, and our neighbors to the left are many ivy covered trees away! Our view to the front is evergreens and flowered bushes. So fabulous! We LOVE it!

By the way, you can see that there is a giant hole in the dam! When this neighborhood was built in the 20's, and back then I guess it was one of THE places to be. Behind that dam used to be a spring fed lake, and then a waterfall cascaded off of the damn. Apparently, the city blew holes in the damn in the 50's or 60's or something?? From the heresay I'm catching, things have changed in that the city used to own the creek, but now the home owners own their respective parts of the creek. Because of this, there is a movement to get the dams repaired, so we could have a pretty spring-fed pond in our back yard someday. Who knows.

On the down side, we heard gun fire last night, far away. We were already warned that this might happen, being so close to downtown. Our old neighborhood was close to downtown too, but it was super close to the uber-rich hood. Our neighborhood seems to consider itself an oasis in the ghetto, kind of. I have to say that I like that. Someone wise told me two things I try to always remember. The first was, "View people with the eyes of the heart." The second was, "Never lose touch with the poor." I hope I do both of those things. I never want to forget that some people's lives aren't like mine. And I never want to judge them for where they are (am so working on this).

Anyways, if you're planning on visiting, don't you worry. The neighbors all walk their dogs in the evening and talk to eachother and stop by to say hello. Really, the houses are just beautiful and people are vigilant (and maybe vigilante) about neighborhood safety. We are pleased with our security lights and alarm, and on Tuesday we get panic buttons for the alarm programed onto our key chain alarm thingies.

I must admit I'm also secretly a little pleased with my perceived politics of the hood as well.

I haven't been coming here (blogger) often, because I've gotten a little paranoid after ethics training at work. Even though I don't think it's fair that teachers have to deal with this and swore I would never succomb, word is educators can actually lose their jobs over being "found online." I am so not in a place for it to be okay to lose my job. Can not even risk it a little bit. And I'm in Texas, which can sometimes be land of the not forward thinking. I work for great people, but you know, you just never know.

So, I've been thinking that I'll just delete anything remotely secretive and use the blog as a place for personal expression in general. Maybe I'll finally start doing the weekly photo websites I always say I'm going to do.

I've been siting for 20 minutes a day pretty regularly, although my goal has been to do that two times. Sitting still in the morning in our back yard with tiki torches and a cup of coffee makes it pretty easy to be in the present moment. I did a sun salutation today today on the original (30's) brick patio, and loved looking up through the cedars.

camera phone: surprisingly NOT bad

Hotel in Philly + my finger. Still figuring out the new camera phone. At home, you have to open your own doors (in general) and pick up your own messes. I'm still happy to be back...My efforts to live more ayurvedically are going slightly better. Definitely have been adding more prana (life) into my food; it's surprising how much I eat food that all came from cans or a freezer. For lunch, had salad avacado, feta, etc., and roasted broccoli. Tonight: salmon, basmati rice pilaf (cooked in ghee, which is said to be detoxifying and has a much higher heat threshhold than olive oil, and roasted broccoli and cauliflour.

And a New Belgium Sunshine Wheat Beer.

i'm a loser baby

House appraised for the right amount. Yay! We can stop holding our breath now. Kind of. 3 weeks to closing. Don't ask us to dinner, unless you are buying.

Now, we are asking if the appraiser could justify an even higher appraisal, so we could have some help with downpayment...We are getting in right now with 6k, but that is SO painful. We are po'! We are eager to take the loser way out and finance a little of that right in. Yes, we know that that might make Suzie Orman or Rich Dad judge us, but it will lower our anxiety about adjusting to a mortgage and all the crap that can go wrong. So it's worth it.

But anyways, yay.

I've been scouting pets on petfinder.com now that we're going to have a yard. B is luke warm only on this, but I'm always the one who talks him into pets. And then he can't imagine not sharing our lives with them. And then, as if to give me the finger, they often end up liking him the most!

This time, we're getting a girl.

Phoebe-ish update: As encouraged by my ayurveda doctor, I put out an intention to find the right meditation right for me and "waited for the universe to respond." And, as I'm coming to expect, the universe DID! An old friend from KS wrote me to tell me about "zero point field" meditation, which she's getting very into. And in NYC, a cab driver who took me to the airport actually was a Buddhist Monk. He said he had met the author of my favorite Buddhist writing, "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying." Wow. He went on to tell me that he really hoped I'd look into "emptiness meditation." Wow, wow, wow. I am loving just following my bliss, putting out intentions, and waiting for the universe to respond. It is a new kind of faith for me. Regarding all the funky meditations: I think I just like sitting. Is that okay?